Tip Of My Tongue
by emackenzie
Summary: Jude left Toronto for London, and became a rock star. But when her contract ends, she's forced to take a break and go home.  Is returning to her old life easy, or will London keep calling out to her?
1. Chapter 1

Note: I don't own the Instant Star characters, or the music that I will use in this story. If I do use any music, or lyrics, I will post the name of the Artist, and a link is possible at the end of the chapter. If I don't this it will be because I quote the Artist within the story. Read and enjoy, or hate, either way, its okay.

**Tip Of My Tongue**

"_Go home Jude." He sighed, fed up with having the same silent augment over and over._

"_What?" Jude looked back at him, panic and fear in her voice and eyes. "You want me gone, you want me to just leave?"_

"_I want you to come back." He whispered. "The girl with passion, heart break, the Rock Star you were when I first meet you. Go home, and find her."_

"_I am that girl!" Jude protested._

"_You haven't had a break in almost four years." He shook his head. "You didn't even stop for your sister's wedding, and you hardly made time for your mum when she was here last year."_

"_I was in the middle of touring when Sadie got married, and we both know I don't have the best relationship with my 'mum'." She added her own fake British accident to the word. The walls of her flat seemed to be getting smaller and smaller with every word he spoke. It was as though his words filled the air and everything around her. Did this make him right, or was it just her fear of going back?_

"_You're going to burn out, and I can't let you." He didn't react to her fake accent the way he normally did. "You've got at least two more months before they will even let you back in the studio, go visit you sister, Jamie, or that Speed kid."_

_Jude gave him a pouty look. She didn't enjoy being told what to do._

_He reached over and pulled her to him, his hands placed on the sides of her head. "Go find me that girl, my girl." He whispered._

'_My girl'? Jude had never heard him call her that, she had left that term back home, the place she knew she would reluctantly return to._

Hey Mondy's first hit single sums it all up, "Homecoming, I'm coming, my sweet mistake, summer's over, hope it's not too late, I'm pacing, impertinent up in my head." It's always easier to leave a place than it is to return to it, and it's even harder when that place was once you home. Leaving Toronto had been hard, but now going back seemed ten times harder. "Is this the end of me? Cause I can't cut up the strings."

Jude Harrison pulled at the sleeve of her purple rain coat. She suddenly felt stupid for choosing that coat as she looked at the small circle window. It wasn't raining here, summer heat laid just outside the plane. She sat back in her seat, and pulled at the coats belt, making it tighter, breathing out, loosening it again. It was nerves, she knew that much.

How long had it been since she had been home? She wasn't sure. She hadn't seen Sadie in two years. Sadie's wedding had been in New Zealand, planned around her tour, and their father's journey to self discovery. But when was the last time she was in Toronto? When was the last time she was in North America? She had attended an awards ceremony in Los Angeles two years ago, or was it three? She couldn't be sure, days, months, shows, places, everything seemed to run together into the blur of what she had come to know as her life. When she had left home five years ago, she had decided that she was going to be a Rock Star, and that she was. She had been living the life for not just a Rock Star, but a Super Star, and she had seen no reason to stop.

But now her contract was ending, and her label had one condition before resigning her. She had to go on vacation, a break, three months minimum. They were scared of having her burn out, over worked, but to her working was the only way to live the life she had always dreamed about. She couldn't shut her mind off; there was no switch, no way to stop of the music from coming.

"Miss Harrison." The flight attendant smiled at her. "You may unload now."

Jude felt herself let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. She wasn't sure she was ready for this. The flight hadn't been long enough, those few hours were not enough to calm all her nerves.

"There is someone to meet you after you go through customs." She was still smiling at her.

Jude knew how annoying it had to be, the special treatment. She smiled at the other passengers that rolled their eyes at her as she gathered her things. Things had been madness at the Heathrow Airport, and even in the normally quiet first class section she heard the complaints of other passengers, signed autographs for flight attendants, and smiled for pictures. It was something she had become accustom to.

Jude hurried out past the attendant, not stopping to hear the thank you message. Once she was moving there was no taking her time. She knew if she focused on seeing her sister, he nerves would calm down. The jet way carpet seemed to fly under her. The voices of the other passengers kept her from breaking out into a run.

Customs was quick and painless. She hadn't brought a carry on, only her purse. She had sent her bags days ago, to ensure that they would be here, and not lost. The less time she spent in the airport the better.

Jude couldn't help but laugh in spite of herself as she looked at the body guard waiting for her. He was her first body guard, the only bouncer she had personally hired, and one small piece of home. "Big Lou." She laughed, hugging him.

"Miss Harrison." Big Lou replied with a soft squeeze. "No troubles?" he asked.

"Not unless you count some not so polite glances, and the lack of rain." Jude laughed. She could already feel the heat of the sun through the windows. "So what's the deal Big Lou, last I heard you still worked for Darius?"

"He does." The voice came from behind Lou, a voice that Jude would know anywhere, even after so much time had passed. It use to be the voice inside her head, the one that guided her, pushed her, made her long for home more than anything.

She watched as he stepped up next to her, facing her, everything that she had been so nervous about. He looked different, and she knew that in her imagination she had changed things, glossed them over, and smoothed them out, it was like photo shop for memories. But she knew everything else about him was still the same. He stood there, his hands in his pockets, sun glasses on, and all his weight on one side. He was everything she remembered.

"Harrison." He smiled at her, welcoming her back, home.

"Quincy." Jude barely whispered. This wasn't what she was expecting.


	2. Chapter 2

"You just going to stand there?" Tommy asked, extending his arms just enough to show he was expecting a hug.

It took a moment for Jude to understand what was going on. People around them were starting to stop, watching them. Her relationship with Tom Quincy hadn't been a secret, neither had their separation, or the pain she had felt for leaving. But she knew, in that moment standing there, looking at him, she wanted to hug him, she wanted to breathe him in, and to finally feel at home. But couldn't let herself feel that way, have those thoughts. She had grown up, she had moved away, and moved on.

"Welcome back." Tommy whispered, giving her a quickly light hug.

"Yeah." Jude nodded, letting him go. "Where's Sadie?" she was confused, more than confused, she was almost speechless. This wasn't what Sadie had promised, in fact Sadie hadn't even mentioned to her that Tommy was in town.

"Instant Star drama, you know how those finalists are." He tried to laugh through the awkwardness.

"Right." Jude nodded. This was going to be the ninth winner of Instant Star, and she knew they were also starting production on the fifth season of the spin off Global Instant Star. Sadie had warned her she would be busy with work for the first few weeks Jude was back, but she didn't think she was going to be so busy that she would send Little Tommy Q to pick her up at the airport.

"We better get moving, the two of you are drawling a crowd larger than the one waiting outside." Big Lou nodded, looking around at the people searching through bags for their cameras, a pen, something to sign.

"Yeah, I would really love to just get home and shower." Jude nodded looking at him. She needed a shower after this, to try and wash away where her mind was taking her. She hadn't expected to see Tommy right away; she hadn't expected to see him for weeks, if at all. She had almost entirely avoided him at Sadie's wedding, other than the part where they had to walk down the ail as maid of honor and best man. But even then, she didn't have time to speak with him. Her stop in the tour for Sadie's wedding had been short; in fact if Jude had to calculate the time, she knew it would be less than 24 hours.

"Sorry Harrison." Tommy said, as they started to walk through the airport, "I'm not here as a favor for Sadie."

"What?" Jude didn't understand, she wasn't even listening. She was still trying to process the fact that he, her ex fiance, was meeting her at the airport.

"Strictly business." Tommy didn't look over at her. "D wants to see you."

Jude wasn't sure if it was the nerves or the way he had said it, but something pricked at her heart. He hadn't come just to pick her up, to see her; he had come to make sure she made it back to G Major. Maybe he had been hoping to see even less of her, than she thought she would see of him.

"He'd have to chat with my agent to set up a meeting." Jude said reaching into her purse, and blindly feeling for her sun glasses case. She knew what was going to be waiting for them on the other side of the bullet proof glass.

"Don't kill the messenger." Tommy replied. "I'm just doing what the boss wants."

"How long have you been Darius's monkey?" Jade asked, looking at him before slipping the dark glasses on. She knew she sounded rude, even mad, but she hadn't intended for her words to come across so strong, she had wanted it to be light, joking.

The crowd was what Jude had been expecting. She knew there would be flashes of light in the middle of the day, and screaming fans, paparazzi yelling her name along with questions. She even knew it would be worse with Tommy there. She couldn't imagine what the papers would read, what would be said online. What he would think back home, in London.

"What, no Viper?" Jude asked when the car was in sight. She had remembered the first time Tommy had picked her up from school, in his blue Viper, then his Porch. She knew he had always had a flare for the cars, it was where he liked to spend his money. But now, waiting for them at the end of the blocked off pathway was a simple town car, one she had been in many times, one she had seen Darius in many times.

"Like I said, this is a business call." Tommy replied, watching her slip into the car, nodding at the driver as she did so.

Once in the car, and shield from the outside insanity Jude searched for her phone. She tugged her rain coat off, waiting for her phone to power back up. Her old flip phone never took as long as the black berry. Technology seemed to be getting slower, not faster.

The car was flooded with noise again as Tommy slipped into the seat next to her. "Didn't even bat an eyelash, or pause for a picture." He commented. "You've become a pro."

"I've become a rock star." Jude smiled over at him. She pushed her sunglasses up on her head, she knew she would need them again.

"You've always been a rock star." Tommy told her, looking down at her phone as it started to vibrate. "Now you're just living the life."

Jude looked down at her phone, and watched as the missed calls, voice mails, text messages, miss appointments, and reminders popped up. There were days she wanted to throw it against the wall, but others that she knew she couldn't live without it. She quickly ignored what she could, and searched for the number she needed, the person she needed to talk to. She hit send before she even stopped to think about the time difference.

"Hardly off the plane, and you're already making phone calls." Tommy remarked, giving her an eye roll she had been a thousand times from him.

"'Ello?" a barely audible voice came from the other end. Jude could hear the music in the background, the other voices, she was surprised to have even gotten through.

"I get sent away and you throw a party?" Jude asked. She wanted to laugh, she knew there would be a party, there was always a party, but she wasn't sure if she had ever missed one.

"Jude!" the girl screamed, everything in the background seemed to quite down instantaneously. "Oy, I'm on the phone here!" she shouted, but Jude didn't know who it was directed at, she could only picture the scene in her head, the girl screaming, and the crowd looking like children being told to use their inside voices.

"Marcie." Jude gave a light laugh. Marcie was the girl that Jude connected with as soon as she arrived in London, and she never let go of her. She didn't work in the music industry, but she seemed to be anywhere there was music. It was an easy friendship. In a lot of ways Marcie reminded her of Patsy. She had balls, the guts that Jude once went looking for, and never backed down, but she was grounded and had a life outside of music, she was the closest thing to normal that Jude allowed in her London life.

"Did you land?" she asked. "Who picked you up? Have you seen Little Tommy Q?" She could tell her friend was teasing. Just hours ago Jude was expressed all her fears about returning, and Tommy was number one through twenty on the list.

"Slow down, I've just left the airport." Jude sighed. She glanced out the window, and watched at the runaway disappeared behind her, making it official that she was back in Canada.

"Stop acting as though this is her majesty's pleasure." Marcie replied. "It's a vacation, not a jail sentences."

"Jail, with a release date?" Jude asked. "Can you just let _him_ know that I made it?"

"You can't?" she asked. Jude could hear the annoyance in her friends voice. Marcie didn't like being dragged into relationship drama, in fact she had avoided relationships the whole time Jude had known her. She had explained to Jude once that everyone had things they were scared of, and relationships were what terrified her.

"It's the cold war between us and I'm only doing what he asked. He wanted me gone, so I'm gone." Jude explained in a whispered voice, trying to muffle it as much as she could. She hadn't turned to see if Tommy was listening, but she knew how close they were, it would be impossible not to listen to the conversation.

"He's there, Little Tommy Q is there with you!" Marcie shouted so loud Jude had to pull the phone away from her ear. "You git!"

"It's not what you're thinking." Jude rolled her eyes. "I'll call tomorrow, send my love."

"You're a wanker! Lying to me." Jude could still hear her yelling insults as she ended the call.

She looked over at Tommy, wanting to apologize for the phone call, hoping he hadn't heard any of it, but he himself was busy on his own phone. He had a blue tooth in his ear, and a black berry his hand, scrolling through what looked like lyrics. There was nothing she could do but focus her attention out the window on the buildings, cars, and sights they drove by. But it was hard for her to think about anything but the man sitting just inches from her. She had so much history with him, so much of her past was tangled and woven with his. He was the one that helped her become the rock star that she was now. He was inspired so many songs, so much heart break, and so much joy, all the things that made her who she was. He had helped her become the girl that went to London, and she wasn't sure if she was ready to be that girl again.


	3. Chapter 3

"There she is!" Darius's booming loud voice filled the main lobby of G Major.

Jude gave him a half smile while she looked around, nothing seemed to have changed, the furniture didn't look different and neither did the paint on the walls, almost like someone had hit a pause button on all things G Major. The only things that Jude knew was different, was the long line of Instant Star winners, her own photo, when she was only 15, hung in the same spot. She laughed at the site of her red hair. What was she thinking? She remembered wanting to be different, wanting to stand out on her own. She had wanted to be that punk rock princess, and here she was now eight years later, not even sure if she would be able to sing anything remotely punk rock.

"Welcome back home, Jude." Darius said hugging her.

"Yeah, thanks." Jude nodded. She didn't want to correct him that this wasn't her home anymore. She hadn't thought of Toronto as her home in a long time, and it had been even longer since she had thought of G Major as being part of her home. "Nothing's changed." She commented. As she looked around, following Darius, it surprised her to find how comfortable it was there, she didn't want to feel comfortable there, but with everything still being the same, it was hard not to feel it.

"Why change something that's making me money?" he asked, laughing. "When I see a need for change, that's when something changes."

Jude was glad to know that he hadn't changed. She knew there were going to be certain things she could count on, certain things to still be the same, Darius for example, and other things, things she wasn't sure would ever be the same. She glanced over at Tommy, who was looking over some papers he had been handed when they walked through the door.

"Tom, they need you in the studio," a young girl came up to the group. Jude knew she had to be an intern, she didn't look like she could be out of high school, then again she wasn't the best at guessing people's ages.

"Sure, thing." Tommy said not looking up from his paper. He glanced up, just long enough to give Jude a half hearted smile before disappearing behind the studio door.

Every bone in Jude's body burned as she watched through the glass window as someone else sang a song, some band laid down a new track, as producers worked the boards. She hated not being able to be in the studio, working, doing something, anything. She walked by the windows, the studio doors, becoming envious of those inside, following Darius's back to his open office door.

"How was the flight?" Darius asked, taking the large chair behind his over sized, perfectly organized desk. Jude couldn't help but wonder if any of the papers on his desk were real, she had never once seen anything out of place on his desk, and she wasn't sure if she had even seen him actually use his desk to do any type of work, other than to set a master album on.

"You didn't kidnap me from the airport just to chat about my flight." Jude sighed, sitting down in a chair she hadn't been in for years. "What's on your mind, D?"

"You." He said sitting back. "You're an unsigned artist right now, fair game for any label." He laughed.

Jude knew this was coming, she knew he would track her down and present her with a contract, one that she would turn down. It was something Sadie had warned her about, something she had expected even before she had bought the ticket. "I'm not signing with you again." She wasn't going to beat around the bush, there was no point. She remembered the way he had treated her, the way she had almost lost everything, all of her music, because of him, and she wasn't going to go down that road, not even close to it.

"Good, I don't want you to sign with G Major." He nodded, his look turning more serious as he leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. "I want you as a producer."

"A producer?" Jude laughed. The last album she had produced at G Major had turned out to be her worse CD ever.

"Only for a few songs, as part of the Instant Star family." Darius explained. "Mason, Karma, Milo, May, and Danny have all agreed to help with the album. But I want you, the first and original Instant Star."

"Like the time you made me dress like a space alien?" Jude asked. She wanted to work, she wanted to make music, but she didn't want to make Instant Star music.

Darius didn't find the humor in her question. "I'm looking for answers, not jokes."

Jude sighed and shuffled around in the chair. "D, I just got off a plane. I'm here for a break, a vacation, you know what that is, right?" She couldn't help but give him attitude. She was annoyed that he would even ask her this, even think that she would want to work there again, no matter the reason.

"Its hell when you're not doing what you love," Darius told her quickly. Jude knew that they knew her better at G Major than anywhere else in the world. They had seen her through her first three albums; they had watched her grow and seen her dedication.

Jude fiddled for a moment with her sunglasses, trying to think of what to tell him. "I'll have to check with some people back home first, then I'll let you know." She could tell he wasn't going to just take her nice way of saying no. She could talk with her agent Paddy, have him come up with an excuse, he could handle it, that was what he got paid for after all.

"You're not under contract Jude." Darius reminded her, "And I called your PR people before I talked to Big Lou about bringing you back here."

Jude could feel her jaw tighten, she had been looking for an easy way out, but she knew she didn't have one. "Then let me think it over, I just got off a plane, jet lag and all."

"Fine, think it over, and call me tomorrow." He said standing up, smiling. "If I keep you any longer, you're sisters going to claw my eyes out." He said nodding to the door.

Jude gave him an awkward smile before standing and turning for the door.

"Tomorrow Harrison." He reminded her before she was able to close the door behind her.

"Jude!" Sadie screamed throwing her arms around her sister. "I'm so sorry I couldn't pick you up, the venue I had arranged for filming called, one of our finalists got caught making out with Milo last night, and the press has been all over the place with you coming back."

"It's okay." Jude sighed, pulling her sister in for another hug. "I'm just so glad to see you." She whispered, allowing herself to enjoy the moment. "Okay," she let out a breath, stepping back from her sister. "Let me look at you." She twirled her around.

"Shouldn't I be saying that to you?" Sadie laughed.

"Just checking for any baby bumps, I've had my quota of surprises for today." Jude told her, glancing over at the studio door she had seen Tommy disappear through.

"No, no baby bumps." Sadie laughed. "We are going to wait a few more years, for NBR to be a little more stable before we head down that road."

"Speaking of which, you couldn't have sent Jamie or Kwest to pick me up?" Jude asked, folding her arms in front of her, she tried to get Sadie her best annoyed look, but it was hard.

"I sent Lou." Sadie looked confused, pointing over at the man sitting on the couch waiting. "He was going to go with me anyway, I figured you'd be fine without me. What are you doing here anyways? I told Lou all you would want to do was head home, shower, unpack, see Jamie."

"Tommy said-" Jude stopped herself pointing at the door. She was slowly starting to process the information, and it only confused her more. Why had Tommy come if not for Sadie, and if Darius had asked Lou? "Darius wanted to meet with me, producing the next Instant Star album."

"I told him to wait until you'd been here for a few days, I swear he is incapable of listening to anyone." Sadie rolled her eyes. "You should head home. I'm going to try and leave early, so we can spend more time catching up."

"Home is the only place I want to be." Jude smiled, hugging her sister again.

"Come on, I'll see what we can do about getting you there." Sadie said putting her arm around Jude.

Jude felt more comfortable walking around G Major than she did in her London apartment. When she was recording her first three albums had practically lived at G Major, when she still lived in Toronto, this had been her second home for the longest time. And it surprised her at how comfortable she still felt there.


	4. Chapter 4

**Just a little note:** I'd like to thank everyone for reading. I'm not going to do it everytime but I feel the need to assure everyone that I will not allow this story to stop the way many seem too. I've gotten about half of it written, and the ending is already done, so I'm filling in the blanks. Please understand that I won't always update daily, it does take sometime to fill in all the blanks and find the perfect songs. So stick with me.  
>But mostly, thank you. I can't explain how happy it makes me see a review or another hit on the story.<p>

* * *

><p>Jude stood in the living room of her childhood home, everything inside it was different, from the paint, to the light fixtures. She had always known that as soon as Sadie had the chance to change things she could, but she was surprised at how much had changed. After seeing how much G Major had stayed the same, part of her hoped that home would be the same as well. But if she wasn't sure of the numbers on the side of the house, she would think she was standing in someone else's living room. She remembered the carpet being a soft tan color, but now it was a deep, rich blue, and the neutral colored walls, where a fresh, crisp white. She did have to admit that Sadie's decorating skills did make their small living room look larger.<p>

But as she slowly made her way through the house, more changes jumped out everywhere. The appliances in the kitchen all seemed to be new as well. She knew that they hadn't had a black refrigerator before she had left, and she was pretty sure there use to be stools around the island, but there were none of be found.

The one thing that Jude knew, the one thing she could count on to always be the same was her bedroom. Sadie had promised her, even after her wedding, that her bedroom would stay the same until she was ready, ready to move back or pack it up. The house did after all belong to the two of them, but Jude had explained to her sister than she didn't plan on living in the house, and that gave Sadie the freedom to do as she pleased.

Her room was unchanged. The photo next to her bed was still one of her and Tommy at one of the benefit concerts she had done. Sitting next to it was the makeshift ring, and Jude felt her heart give a tug. She hadn't thought about that ring, about that night in so long. She picked up the simple silver twist tie, the one he had taken from the bread basket, and held it in her hand. That twist tie could have changed her whole world, it could have changed her. She knew the longer she was back, the harder it would be not to think about those memories, the ones she had locked away. She had made her decision, she had chosen to be a rock star, not a wife, and she still stood by her decision one hundred percent, but she couldn't stop her heart from speeding up and she slipped the ring back on her finger.

But that was all it took, looking at it on her finger, for her to quickly remove it, setting it back on her nightstand and putting the picture down. She didn't want to think about that. She didn't want to think about the pain she had cause Tommy, the tears she cried, or the way she had longed for him. "You're not that girl Jude." She reminded herself, shaking the thoughts from her head. She turned to see what other memories her room held.

There was a picture of Jamie, Kat, and her from the day Jude had won Instant Star. She had been so nervous that day, so nervous that Kat and Jamie had to drag her from the bathroom just to get her to perform. She made a mental note to see what she could find out about Kat, where she was, how she was doing. She sat on her bed and looked around, all the memories her room held seemed to be from a different life time, from a different Jude.

She laid back on her bed and sighed. She would give anything to be home, in London, in the bed she had become so use too. This room didn't smell the same anymore, it smelled stuffy, as though the door to the room hadn't been opened in years. And her flat in London was everything that she was now. Her music was there, her guitar, and as she thought about it, so was her tooth brush. How could she have forgotten something so essential? Her thoughts were interrupted by a sigh coming from outside her room.

"My Jude Harrison alarms went off as soon as you stepped out of that G Major car." Jamie Andrews said.

Jude quickly got to her feet laughing. She had given Big Lou the okay to go back to G Major, knowing she wouldn't be leaving the house. And when she first heard the sigh, the memory of Megan quickly popped into her mind, a memory she often thought of when she was alone. She knew that Jamie could see the relief on her face as she looked at him, and she could feel her whole body relax, smiling at him.

"Tried to sneak home without even coming to see me, or Nana?" Jamie asked, wrapping his arms around her neck and hugging her. "Feelings are hurt."

Jude breathed him in, even after five years apart, she knew things with them would still be okay. "I'm sorry Jamie, I figured I'd be over later, after Kwest got home."

"Already here, girl." Kwest said from the door of her room.

Jude laughed and let go of Jamie. "My favorite brother-in-law."

"Only brother-in-law." Kwest laughed pulling her in for a quick hug. "How was the flight?"

"Fine, pretty short," Jude smiled at the two men. She wasn't going to mention Tommy's name, or let herself wonder about why he had been there.

"I haven't brought your suit cases up here yet." Kwest told her.

"My stuff!" She was suddenly excited. She turned back to Jamie and smiled at him. "I got you something you're going to love." She reached for his hand and pulled him out of the room, back down to her living room, where they waited for Kwest to bring her things in.

"How have you been?" Jamie asked, laughing. Jude knew that he would be able to read her like a book, he would see how happy she was to see him, to see everyone, but she knew he would want to know why she had come back after swearing to him she wouldn't.

"Amazing." Jude smiled at him, as she started to unzip the larger of her two bags. "The world, Jamie, I can't even explain it. There is so much out there, so much more than we imagined." She flipped open the lid to reveal a whole suit case full of knick knack souvenirs. She held up a magazine, the cover showed it was clearly a music magazine, both neither Jamie nor Kwest could read it.

"Thanks Jude, I-uh-love it." Jamie said taking it from her. "I can't actually read Chinese, but I'm sure it's great."

"Inside Jamie!" Jude laughed, taking it back from him. "And its Japanese, I got it when I was on tour." She was flipping through the pages, looking for the right page, the right picture.

"You could have just gotten me a sake set, or some chopsticks." Jamie looked over at Kwest.

"This is better." Jude smiled up at them. She turned the magazine around, showing them a picture of NBR. "I was doing an interview, right after the wedding, they asked me if I knew about any up and coming artist to be looking for, and I told them about NBR, even gave them the shirt to get the label picture from."

"You took us to Japan?" Jamie asked, dumbfounded, as he took the magazine, looking closer at the picture.

"Not only to Japan." Jude said smiling, she pulled out a stack of six other magazines. "I took you international." She handed them to Kwest, and smiled as she watched the two look through them.

"This is amazing Jude." Kwest said looking over the covers, Germany, Spain, Australia, South Korea, and France.

"I figured, since you won't let me record with you, then I can at least promote you." Jude said giving them a shoulder shrug.

"But your label, they didn't mind?" Jamie asked.

"The first time they did." Jude rolled her eyes as she thought back to the lecture she got in Dylan's office, the PR department wasn't happy with her. "But when Dylan saw that you two were doing, he loved it."

"Dylan Cooper?" Jamie looked even more surprised. "Dylan Cooper knows who we are?"

"I'll take it you like my gift." Jude laughed at him. She knew that he would love it, and she knew he would love knowing that Dylan Cooper knew his label name.

"Like? Jude, I, we love this." Jamie said standing up and pulling her into another hug. "You're the best friend a guy could ask for."

"Yeah, this really means a lot to us Jude, thanks." Kwest said smiling at her.

"Well that's not all." Jude said crouching back down and pulling more things out. She handed Jamie a stack of T-shirts. "All band shirts, you get first dibs, the rest will go to Speed, Wally and Kyle."

"Maybe you should leave more often." Jamie laughed looking through the shirts, Sex Pistols, The Clash, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Traffic, Led Zeppelin , The Who, Pink Floyd. They were all bands that Jamie and Jude loved, but the shirts were all ones he had never seen before.

"Do you think Zeppelin would be hurt if I gave her the Led Zeppelin one?"

"No, I think she'd love it." Jamie said pulling it out of the stack.

"There are some Pegan Smith ones in there too, we meet up on tour." Jude smiled watching him. Jamie looked like a boy on Christmas morning, looking through the band shirts, surrounded by music magazines. She knew that he was going to be the first of many smiling faces.


	5. Chapter 5

Jude sat in the kitchen, it was nearing midnight and her sister still wasn't home. Kwest had told her not to worry, that things at G Major had been crazy, and it kept Sadie there, but Jude still only wanted to see her sister, and she couldn't sleep. She knew that back in England it was nearing 5 am, and she wondered if Marcie's party had come to an end yet. She tried not to picture the mess her apartment would be in, she knew it would be clean when she got back, but she couldn't help but worry about her Gibson, and her Kingston Fretless base. They were new newest and most treasured instruments, it was hard to think about them sitting all alone for two months.

She glanced up at the door when she heard the lock click. "Sadie?"

"Jude, sorry, I really didn't mean to be so late." Sadie said coming through the door and hanging her coat up. "You didn't have to wait up, you've got to be exhausted."

"I'm a rock star Sadie, I don't sleep normal hours." Jude smiled following her back to the kitchen.

"You never slept normal hours." Sadie smiled at her sister. "I'm so glad you're here. The house, Toronto hasn't been the same without you."

"Sadie you've been too busy to even notice." Jude laughed, watching as her sister got a glass of water. Despite her sisters always perfect appearance she could see the circles under her eyes, the make up wearing away.

"Too busy to notice you're gone?" Sadie asked, "I don't think so." The two Harrison sister walked to the couch together, sitting comfortably looking at each other. "Tell me what happened at the airport, it's all over the internet already."

Jude sighed and ran her hand through her hair, pushing her bangs back, out of her eyes. "I thought he was there for you, or for Darius, I don't know." She shook her head. She had been trying to push him out of her mind, to not over think it. His appearance at the airport, the hug, they were all things that Jude couldn't seem to wrap her head around. What was Tommy trying to do?

"Tom does tend to do his own thing." Sadie smiled at her.

"What is he even doing here?" Jude asked, titling her head to the side. "I thought he had left after his contracted ended."

"He did." Sadie nodded. "He's only been back for a few weeks, I wasn't sure how to tell you." Sadie looked apologetic. "I thought if you knew, you wouldn't come, and I really wanted to see you. I'm selfish, what can I say?"

Jude smiled at her sister, she couldn't find it in her to be mad at her. She knew that Sadie meant well, and she wouldn't purposefully try and hurt her, but she also didn't give her warning, the warning she need to prepare for seeing him.

"Why is he back?" Jude wondered, she was thinking it more to herself than to Sadie, now that she was talking about him, he was all consuming.

"He's working on the Instant Star album." Sadie explained. "D wants to pull as many people from the first few seasons as he can, he even tried to win Kwest back over."

"Didn't work?" Jude asked.

"He has no intentions of going back." Sadie gave a soft smile. She let the silence sit between them before she asked the question that had been burning in her mind for days. "Why are you back?"

"What?" Jude asked, looking up at her sister confused. She had allowed herself to get lost in her own thoughts, her own reasoning's for why Tommy had come to the airport.

"What is really going on?" Sadie asked, "If it was about a vacation you would have been here a month ago when your contact ended."

Jude sighed and scouted around on the couch, resting her head on the back. "He asked, no, he told me to leave."

"Who, Ozzie?" Sadie asked.

She roll her eyes at the sound of his name, the name she was directing all of her anger towards. "Yeah." Jude looked over at her sister. "I thought when I went to London, I had found myself, the me that didn't need a crutch, but when he told me to leave, to find the old me, I don't know. I feel like maybe I'm trying replace Tommy with him."

"Things have gotten more serious with you two, then?" Sadie wondered.

Serious? Jude wasn't sure how to answer that question. They never spoke about their relationship, it just was. They didn't make their relationship public, but at the same time it wasn't private. It was hard for them to both have time to go out in public together, but when they were out, they didn't try and hid their relationship. Communication between the two was not their strong point.

"We're serious enough that he told me to leave, and I did." Jude said sitting up.

"That sounds serious to me."

Jude sighed and looked around the living room. She didn't know what to think about it, she didn't want to think anymore. "What am I going to tell D?"

"He wanted to call you at midnight." Sadie laughed. "He really wants you to do this."

"I know, but I really don't want to be tied to Instant Star anymore, I'm not that girl." Jude said looking at the last family picture they had taken, the last picture of her whole family together.

"I don't know what to tell you." Sadie yawned. "I'll see if I get him to give you some more time. But right now, I've got to get to bed."

"Yeah, it's late." Jude said standing up.

"Come by tomorrow and we will go to lunch." Sadie smiled, hugging her sister again.

"I can't, I'm meeting Speed and the guys at the loft." Jude said giving her a sad smile. She could tell how much her sister wanted to spend more time with her, but how hard it was for her to make time with work.

"Jude-" Sadie started, a look of concern on her face, but it was a look Jude missed.

"I'll come by and steal you away for dinner." Jude nodded, before hugging her again. "A real dinner, I promise, no matter what."

"Jude." Sadie sighed watching her head for the stairs.


	6. Chapter 6

Morning came quicker than Jude had wanted it too. She hadn't slept well, not with the tossing and turning, the memory of Tommy standing in the airport, Sadie's questions about things being serious, and Darius's request. Her mind had been to full to sleep, to rest. She knew that she couldn't lay in bed any longer, it wouldn't do her mind any good to keep going over things. She knew this would be the perfect time to write, it was her way of dealing with the emotions, but after her fourth album she had sworn to herself she wouldn't write about Tommy, not anymore, and with that, her fifth album had been her biggest and best selling. She knew that she had thrown every part of her into her music, more so than before. It was the only way she could escape what she had done, the girl she had become.

As she walked through the still sleeping house, she wondered if it was even okay for her to be staying there. Sadie and Kwest were still newlyweds, and now Jude was invading their home for two months. She knew it wasn't the rock star thing to do, but it was what she needed, she needed to find the ground under her feet, before she feel crashing into it.

She watched as the coffee dripped into the pot, the smell filled the house, and it didn't take long for her to regret making coffee, she would hear movement upstairs, Sadie or Kwest. She looked at the clock, it was 5 am, too early to do much of anything. But for her, her body, it was 10, if she was home she would still be in bed.

"Jude?" Kwest came into the kitchen.

"Sorry." Jude said trying to whisper loud enough . "I didn't mean to wake you guys."

"It's okay, Sadie sets an alarm for 5, she likes to be early." Kwest smiled reaching for two coffee mugs. "Did you make enough for me too?"

"Of course." Jude nodded, she poured them both a cup. With her elbows resting on the counter, and the steam from her cup warming her face, she looked across at Kwest. When she had left Toronto Kwest had moved out of the house, Sadie and him had broken up. But by the time she had laid down the first track, the two were back together. Jude had never been clear on all the details, but she did know that he had left G Major and wound up next door at NBR, working with Jamie and Speed.

"Sadie told me Tommy was at the airport." Kwest said reaching for the sugar. "How'd that go?"

Jude thought for a moment, she had been so busy trying to understand what he was doing there, that she hadn't thought about how it had gone. Had it been overly awkward? Was it uncomfortable? "It felt normal." She said looking at Kwest, not sure if normal was the right term to use. She remembered the hug, that felt like the right thing to do, normal.

"Yeah?" Kwest asked.

"It was weird, but it wasn't." Jude tried to explain.

"Jude." Sadie shouted from up the stairs.

Jude looked at Kwest, neither of them had realized that Sadie was up yet.

"Yeah?" she asked, heading towards the stairs.

"Your phone had been going off for twenty minutes, do something about it." Sadie said with a towel wrapped around her.

"Yeah, sorry Sadie." Jude said hurrying up the stairs with her coffee in hand. She sat down at her desk and looked at her phone, her agent, Nikola from Burmanzie Record, and Oz had all called her. She ignored the text messages and called Nikola back first, she was the easiest to deal with.

"Jude Harrison!" her sharp voice came from the other line. "Did you not think it was important to tell us, or even clue us in?"

"Nikola, you know it's five in the morning, right?" Jude asked, pushing herself back away from the desk, letting the chair spin her around in a circle.

"I know that there are pictures of you and Tom Quincy hugging, all over the tabloids." Jude could tell she was mad. "Dylan will have your head when he sees this."

"I'm not under contract, and someone had to pick me up at the airport." Jude shot back. "Dylan can't be mad about anything, because he is part of the reason I can't sign the dotted line for another two months." She remembered sitting in his office with her producers when they told her, when they tried to explain their reasoning.

"We'll do as much damage control as we can here, before Dylan finds out." Nikola sighed. "Enjoy your vacation, but please, let me know before you're out with him again, we don't like surprises."

"I understand, thanks Nikola." Jude said before hanging up. Next on her call list was Paddy, her agent. She knew he would be a little more angry, and harder to deal with.

"Paddy, listen, before you start yelling." Jude said quickly when she heard him pick up the phone. "I didn't know he was going to be there, we're old friends, I was bound to run into him, being back here and all."

"I'm not calling about the pictures, but I'm glad you're got your head on straight." Paddy's deep voice, and soft accent filled the other end.

Jude sighed, relieved he wasn't angry, but she was confused at why he was calling.

"I've got this message from G Major, you're producing an album?" he asked, the way he said you're made Jude know she was in trouble.

"I'm not, I haven't given them an answer." Jude wasn't sure why this was what had made him mad. Darius had told her he had already talked to her agent about the subject.

"Good, don't." his words reminded her of the way Darius use to speak to her, but his accent made it hard to picture him as being Darius.

"What?" Jude asked, spinning herself around again.

"Bowmzee Record is worried if you start working back home, you're not going to come back." Paddy said, "And you're coming back." The tone of his voice made her know that it wasn't a question, but a statement.

"Of course I'm coming back, I didn't come here because I wanted too, you know that." Jude rambled, her words coming out quick. "I don't want to be here; they are the ones that wanted me to take a break."

"Exactly, a break. No working." Paddy told her. "Here, or there."

Jude sighed, annoyed. She hated that she couldn't work, that they didn't want her working. She needed to do something, it was the only way to clear her head.

"You haven't signed with them, so I can't tell you what to do, but just remember, I'm looking out for your future, your future with Bowmzee Records." Paddy told her, before ending the call.

Jude looked at her phone, as it flashed 'Call Ended' on the screen. This was one of those moments she wanted to throw her phone against the wall. But she knew the final phone call was going to be the hardest to make. Her finger hovered over the send button, staring at his name. Did she even know what she was going to say to him.

"Hey." He whispered from the other end.

Jude could feel her stomach turn as she rested her chin on her knee, looking at herself in the mirror. "Hi."

"You didn't call." He sighed.

"I wasn't sure if I should." She whispered back. She knew that he was thousands of miles away, but she still felt like he could see her.

"You should have." Jude knew he was rolling his eyes are her.

Jude had nothing to say, neither of them had anything to say. The silence filled their conversation. "It's five in the morning." She sighed.

"You're not sleeping." Oz told her.

Jude could hear the pain and fear in his voice. "London time." She sighed. "I'm meeting Speid and the guys today, and taking Sadie to dinner."

"And him?" she could hear the accusations in his voice.

She bit down on her lip, was she going to see him? She wasn't sure, she never knew what to expect from him, or when he would show up, but she did know she wasn't going to be seeking him out. "I have no intentions of seeing him."

"Okay." Oz whispered.

"I'm going to get ready for the day," Jude told him. They never ended conversations with I love you, she wasn't sure if she had ever said it to him. She also didn't end with a 'call you later', because she wasn't sure if she would.

"Don't forget to come back to me." He whispered before the line went dead.

Jude stared at her phone before tossing it on her bed. She wanted to scream. She wanted him to hear her, for once. When he had first asked her to come back, she had put it simply, there was nothing here for her. She had tried to tell him that she wasn't ready to come back, she didn't want to face the things she had left, and that was exactly what she had told him. But over the first month with her not being in the studio, touring, or working in anyway, it was starting to wear on both of them. Jude would have given anything to have something to keep her busy, and he seemed to think that he knew what she needed. She wished that he would be able to understand, and even when she did come back, she wasn't sure that she would be all his anymore than she was when she left.


	7. Chapter 7

Jude sat behind the steering wheel, the purr of the engine was just as sweet as the hum of the recording equipment. She couldn't remember the last time she had driven a car. In London she had a driver, and even here, she knew she had a driver, but all she wanted was to drive her own car. She had asked Jamie to drive it a few times a month, to take care of it for her, and she was impressed with how well of a job he had done. It was perfectly waxed, and started without a single back fire. But she knew she could only let the car run for a minute. She could see the cameras flashing through the garage windows, and she hear them shouting questions.

She shut the car off when she heard a knock on the driver window. She rolled it down and looked up at Kwest.

"Suicide isn't the way to go." He laughed, opening the door.

"If they'd move, I'd open the door." Jude said stepping out of the car. She had only had it on for thirty seconds, but she could taste the exhaust in the air.

"I wouldn't bet on that happening anytime soon." He smiled at her. "Your driver is here, and so is Big Lou."

"Big Lou, again?" Jude asked.

"Darius wants you protected, even if you're not signing with him." Kwest explained, as they walked back into the house. "Got to protect the Instant Star family."

"Did Sadie already leave?" Jude asked, looking around the empty living room.

"She's out of the house by seven, every morning." Kwest smiled.

"Alright, I'll see you at G Major for dinner then?" Jude asked leaning up and kissing his cheek before leaving. "Seven, don't be late!" she shouted as she stepped out of the house and into the madness. She was glad Lou was there to direct her through the people.

"Jude!" people shouted her name, trying to get a picture, a good picture.

"Are you and Little Tommy Q back together?" someone shouted.

Jude looked around, her eyes protected by the sunglasses she had come to rely on. She used her hand to shield extra flashes. Some of the faces were ones she remembered, others were new, most were new.

"Did you come back for him?" "Are you signing with G Major, or NBR?" "What about your band in England?" "Are you staying?"

Jude was amazed at all the questions, she was amazed she was able to hear so many of them as she made it to the car. Big Lou kept them back. She sighed as the door closed, it was annoying to go through that every time she stepped out her door.

"Where to Miss Harrison?" the driver asked.

"My loft." She said, watching at the car pulled away, leaving the reporters behind, the cameras, and the questions she didn't have answers for. She looked for Speiderman's numbers as her neighborhood passed by. She was going early, staying in the house was driving her mad.

"You've reach the Speid and his hot wife." His voice was happy, laughable even. "Leave me a message." Karma laughed as well. Jude wasn't sure if she had heard her sound actually happy before.

"Hey Speid, it's Jude." Jude sighed, she knew it was too early for him to be awake. "I'm heading to the loft, I'll see you when you get there." She hung up feeling stupid, what kind of message was that? Of all the people from back home, Speid was the one person she had seen the most of. He had gone with Karma on her European tour, even flown over to help her record a few songs. She had found another band in England, one she worked great with, but she knew no one would ever be able to connect with her on the same level as Speid did when he had a guitar in his hands. He had even come over with Kyle and Wally to visit. He had been a great friend to her over the years, and now she was excited to see him and the boys, back where they use to make music.

She was happy to see the neighborhood was still the same, run down and shady. Just looking around the outside of the building she knew that Nikola and Dylan would never approve, but to her it was home. Big Lou walked next to her, his eyes seemed to dart between the end of the hallway to Jude. But Jude was too focused on the door. When she put the key into the lock she looked up at Lou, confused as to why is wasn't turning. She could hear someone on the other side, and stepped back when she heard the locked click. Her mouth fell open a little as she looked at the girl on the other side of the door. She looked up at Big Lou even more confused.

"Oh my gosh, you're Jude Harrison!" the girl nearly shouted. Her long brown hair fell down to her waist, and her brown eyes seemed to light up with excitement as she looked at Jude.

"Yeah, and you're?" Jude said pointing at the girl. The longer she looked at her, the more familiar her face came. Her face was thin, and it seemed to match her body, and Jude could tell due to the lack for clothes the girl was wearing. Shel had on a pair of short jogging shorts, and a white tank that was cut way to low to do any actually jogging in. When Jude looked back up at her, she knew where she knew the girl.

"May, Instant Star winner." The girl laughed. "I can't believe you're here, like outside the loft, here."

"Well this is my loft." Jude looked confused, she looked back down the hallway, making sure it was the right one, and she knew it was from the faded picture of Patsy glued to the wall.

"Who's at the door?" the voice made Jude's heart stop.

She watched as he pulled the door back, opening it all the way, only to stop when he saw her confused face.

"Jude?"

"Tommy." Jude answered shaking her head.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

"Shouldn't I be asking that?" Jude wondered, looking back at May. "But I've got a pretty good idea." She sighed, crossing her arms in front of her. She looked back at Tommy, and looked him up and down, he was fully dressed, but she could tell by the look on his face, he had been caught doing something.

"You've always been good at jumping to your own conclusions." Tommy remarked.

"Maybe I wouldn't have to, if it wasn't so obvious." Jude said looking back at May.

Jude could see the annoyed look she was getting the girl, and it only added more fuel to her fire.

"I should get going Tom, I'll see you at the studio." May said pushing her way through Jude and Big Lou.

Jude watched the girl walk down the hall and then looked back at Tommy. "Well Tom, last I checked, I was the owner of the loft." This was the one place she wasn't able to let go when she left for London. She had spent days on the phone with Iggy, trying to get him to agree to letting her buy the space. The space had meant so much to her, and SME, she couldn't leave them without it.

"And I was renting it." Tommy added, stepping aside allowing Jude to come in.

Jude looked around the loft, it didn't look much like Tommy's style. There was a bass still in its stand, and an old set of Kyle's drums. She stopped when she saw her motorcycle where she had once had a piano. She pointed to it, looking back at Tommy.

"I couldn't leave them at your house to rust." Tommy shrugged, closing the door with Big Lou standing guard.

"I don't remember saying you could rent my loft." Jude said taking her jacket off, and laying it on an empty chair.

"You didn't, Stuart did." Tommy said walking over to the bed, and pulling at the blankets.

"My dad?" Jude asked.

"I needed a place to stay, while I'm working on the album." Tommy sighed looking up at her. "Sadie said she would tell you."

"She obviously failed to inform me." Jude looked at him. She thought back to last night, Sadie had wanted to say something, but Jude didn't listen, and now she wished she had. She pulled her arms tight around her stomach, watching as Tommy picked things up.

"When I talked to your dad I had no idea you were coming back." Tommy said looking up at her. "I'll find somewhere else."

"No." Jude shook her head. "There's no reason we can't share the space, you'll be in the studio working during the day, I can use the loft then," she smiled at him.

"You're not doing the album?" Tommy asked.

Jude turned around and walked towards the drums. "I'm not that Instant Star girl anymore. I want as much distance put between her and me as possible."

"What happened to Jude Harrison?" Tommy asked. "What happened to the girl that thought it was such a good thing I do another song with Boys Attack?"

"She grew up." Jude shrugged her shoulders.

"You shouldn't hate Instant Star Jude, you should embrace it. It's what made you, gave you your start. Without it, you wouldn't be here, you wouldn't be the Rock Star that you are now." Tommy gave her a small smile. "I hope you'll reconsider, it'd be fun to work with you again." He didn't say anything else, he just turned and went towards the door, leaving Jude to her own thoughts.

Jude ran her hand over the top of the old Fender. The neck of the guitar showed its true age, each nik and dent in the wood were like trophies of the work that guitar had done, that songs it had written. Jude wondered how many times she had sat and watched Tommy work over a song on that guitar. Every part of her was burning to pick it up, to play something, anything, but she knew she shouldn't, not with Tom Quincy's guitar. As she looked at the bed, she felt a sudden urge to burn it. That bed, this loft had been the first place she had shared with Tommy, and now she knew he was sharing it with other girls. The list she had burned so many years ago popped into her head. She had once written her name over the top of all the other girls. It seemed almost laughable now, to think that she could have been the last girl he was ever with. How naive she was.


	8. Chapter 8

"Dude!" she heard him yelling form the other side of the door. It was a simple word, one she had heard millions of times, an expression that didn't mean much to most people, but to her, it was a simple word that could make her smile from ear to ear.

She hopped up from behind the drum set and ran towards the door, not bothering to fix the seat her knocked over on her way to the door. She threw both her arms out as Wally and Kyle attacked her.

"Dudes!" Spiederman laughed, as Wally carried her back into the loft, Speid closing the door with his off, his guitar case in hand. "Wouldn't be a reunion without Win." Speid laughed, setting his case on the bed. "Dude." He said, as she wrapped her arms around him.

"It's been too long." Jude whispered. She felt a sense of safety with them, something she didn't get from anyone else. It wasn't that she didn't feel safe with Jamie, Kwest, or even Big Lou, but there was something different with them. She knew that it had to do with that tour, that summer they all spent together on that small bus. They had formed a bond that no one could put into words, a bond they never needed to explain. When she worked with Spiederman Mind Explosion they had become more than band mates, more than friends. They were a family entirely separate from everyone.

"Yeah, well maybe if someone didn't avoid Toronto like the pelage."Speid told her.

"Yeah, what's the deal? You said you'd come home for my birthday." Kyle shook his head at her.

Jude turned and looked at Kyle. She could see the fake pouty look, his lips pushed out. "You were on tour," she laughed giving him his own hug. At times she knew the boys, her boys, were like children in a way. They needed to be reassured that she loved them, that she remembered them.

"Not for all five." Wally pointed out, as he fiddled with the strings on his old bass.

Jude watched the three boys as they set up. It was something she had seen them do time after time, something that felt so right and so natural to them all. When she moved to London all she wanted was to bring them with her, to keep her musically chemistry the same, but she knew the only way to let go of home, was to let go of SME. It took her months to find another band, to find Ozzie and All Time High. They had been a god send, and made her believe that she had made the right decision to leave everything behind. But she knew, now, standing before them, they were the boys she was meant to make music with. Nothing in London had felt as natural or right as it did the moment she heard the boys play. Nothing sounded better to her ears than them.

"Come on International super star, let's see if you still have it." Spied joked.

Jude watched them for a moment. She knew the tune they were playing, it was one she had written after their first visit. It was the song she had written, to try and explain to the three of them how much they meant to her, how no one could replace them in her heart. As she listened to the cords, she knew it sounded better than it did on her album, she always knew it would sound better with them playing, she had written it for them after all.


	9. Chapter 9

Jude signed an autograph for the delivery boy, while Wally took the plastic sacks from him. When the door was closed Jude looked back at the boys smiling.

"That's a super star smile." Speid joked.

"Do you guys know how long it's been since I've even seen a delivery boy?" Jude laughed, joining them around the coffee table.

"What, they don't have delivery in England?" Kyle asked.

"No, they do, but after the crazy fans, they stopped allowing them to actually see me, they had to leave the food at the front desk, and someone from my building would bring it to me." Jude explained, as she put brought the chopsticks to her mouth.

"Crazy fans?" Wally asked raising an eyebrow.

"They could start a club, Megan could be their president." Speid nodded.

The name sent a shiver down Jude's spine. There were still nights, mostly when she had been alone for too long, that she would remember waking up chained to a support beam in her own basement.

"No, Jude kind of owes everything to Megan and her craziness." Kyle said simple. He shrugged his shoulders when the other three turned and looked at him like he was the crazy one. "You're name and face wouldn't have been in magazines around the world if she hadn't locked you in your basement."

"For once, Kyle has a point, a crazy point." Speid agreed. "You could have married that Frowny Face Quincy."

Jude tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and looked down at her food, scared that they would be able to read the thoughts running through her mind. Was it true? Would she have married Tommy if Megan hadn't done what she did? Would Tommy still have proposed, or would they have dated a few more months before one of them messed things up? She didn't want to think about Tommy, she didn't want to think about that ring, and she surely didn't want to think about Megan.

"The silver lining of a storm cloud." Wally nodded.

"Yeah, what's the deal with him anyways?" Speid asked, turning to Jude. "We would have gladly picked you up from the airport, but you asked him instead. I didn't even know you guys were talking."

"I didn't ask him." Jude said looking up, shaking her head, allowing noodles to fall back into the box. "I didn't even know he was back."

"Everyone is back, the biggest season of Instant Star since you won." Kyle informed her. "D won't let anyone but Instant Star winners do something for the album."

"It's true, he even convinced Jamie to let me play guitar." Speid told her.

"You guys are even doing something?" Jude sighed sitting back. Maybe, just maybe she should be more open to the idea.

"Well yeah dude, if you think about it, and I mean really think about, we owe everything to Jamie, who owes it all to you, and you owe it all to Instant Star. If you hadn't won, none of us would be this awesome."

"Hey we've always been awesome." Kyle said pointing at himself and Wally.

Jude knew it was true, she knew it was true when Tommy said, she just didn't want to believe it. She didn't want to think that she owed it all to Instant Star, to G Major, but she knew that she did. She knew that she was going to be forever indebted to that contest, to the judges, the people that voted for her, and to her producer. It wasn't easy to make it in the music industry, and she had learned that, luckily for her it had been the easy way, but she thought about all the bands, songwriters, and singers that struggled every day, just wanted a chance to live out their dreams.

"Plus, be serious, you can't sit around for two months, you're like a studio junky." Speid laughed. "You're already going through withdrawals."

"I am not!" Jude laughed throwing a fortune cookie at him. She knew it was true, she wanted to be in the studio, she wanted to be doing anything, and this album, it was something.

"Darius will be so happy, I bet he'll pop out gold eggs." Kyle laughed.

"He's not a goose." Speid said looking confused at Kyle.

"It'd be cool if he was." Kyle sighed.

"Won't you have to work with Tommy?" Wally asked.

Jude paused, she would have to work with him, was she ready to go down that road? She hadn't even been back for 24 hours and he had already infected her mind, being in almost every thought. It was so easy to not think about him when she couldn't see him. But she knew if she was being honest that would be a lie as well. During the whole time in London she had kept tabs on Tommy, through Sadie, through the internet. She never personally asked about him, but she didn't shy away from a conversation where his name was bound to come up either.

At first she did it because she felt bad for leaving, for leaving so many things unsaid. She didn't want to believe that she had truly left Tommy, that she had let him go so easily. But over time it had become a habit, checking up on him through a social network, looking through the blogs and gossip online. It was almost like a second nature to her, to glance at her computer screen, searching for his name. She knew that if she didn't read his name, it was a good thing. He wasn't doing anything to get himself noticed, he wasn't being stupid. But over the years, her addiction to checking up on him lessened, when she became overwhelmingly busy, it was easy to forget, to put it off.

"Producing, not having him produce me." Jude said, as soon as the words were out of her mouth, she could see the way Kyle was taking them, the way his mind would twist them, and she quickly reached for the pillow on the bed and threw it at him, hard. "Don't." she gave him a warning glance.

"I think it would be awesome, think about how psyched Mason would be to have you producing one of his songs, and to have you work with my sound, it would be epic." Speid nodded.

Jude could see him planning it all out in his head, and it made her smile to see how happy it made him, to see how much he wanted to work with her again. It made her feel happy, warm to know that they would want to work with her still, professional, and not just goofing around in the rehearsal space. They each had made their own lives when she had left, and it warmed her heart to know that she still had a place in all of their worlds.

"So, how's Karma and being married to Karma?" Jude had a hard time forming the last part of her sentence. She knew how important marriage was to Speederman, but it had amazed her, year after year, when there was never any word of divorce. For awhile she thought that maybe Karma would calm down, become less self obsessed, but when she had seen them in London two years ago, Karma was still the same.

"Good, great." Speid laughed.

Jude looked over and saw the eye rolls that both Kyle and Wally gave. She looked back and studied her friends face, was there something she wasn't telling her. Could he have been hiding something, trouble in paradise?

"Speid?" she questioned.

"What?" his eyes were focused on the box in his hands. His chopsticks twirled between his fingers. "Is there anymore rice?" he looked up.

Jude could see that he didn't want to talk about it, whatever it was something she would have to find out later, when they were alone. She was sure that Wally and Kyle already knew, but she knew it was hard, to talk about things, personal things.

"Yeah, Jude ordered enough for three meals." Kyle laughed.

"I couldn't pick." Jude shrugged her shoulders, allowing the conversations to quickly change. It was never hard having something to talk about this them, having things to share, she was completely comfortable being around them, and it made it easy for their conversations to go from one subject to the next.


	10. Chapter 10

Big Lou had dropped Jude off at G Major just before seven. Jude had promised him that she would be safe with Kwest and Sadie, there was no need for him to trail her all day, not when he had sat outside of the loft most of the day. She knew that it was early, but she saw no point in going back to the house to wait. Plus she figured the place would be pretty empty, with all of the filming, and other projects wrapping up, she knew it would be safe to hang out and wait for her sister.

The girl at the front desk eyed her from behind a stack of papers. It was something that Jude was use to, she wouldn't have noticed if it hadn't been for the total lack of people in the lobby. She looked through the windows into studio A and B, both appeared empty.

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Sadie." Jude said looking back at the girl, the lobby standing between them.

"Everyone is at rehearsal." The girl said rolling her eyes before looking back at her papers. Jude remembered how stressful the job had been on Sadie, and that was when she was also managing all of Jude's life. She wondered how many people had sat in that chair over the years.

"Are they going to be back, soon?" Jude asked.

"When it's over." The girl replied, not looking up.

"Well aren't you helpful." Jude muttered. She looked around the lobby, and sat down on one of the couches. There was nothing she could do but wait. She searched for her phone, but came up empty in her purse. She tried to think about where she had left it, the loft, the car? She couldn't be sure.

But as she sat there, looking around G Major, the lack of sleep started to catch up to her. She could feel her eyes growing heavier and heavier by the moment. She could feel sleep coming, and there was nothing that could stop it, not even the sweet smell of fresh coffee.

Jude could smell the leather before she felt the warmth. The worn leather mixed with the sweet scent of his cologne, it was a smell that lingered in her memories, a smell she had missed. She could feel the hands tucking the coat around her shoulders, and hear the whispering voices, and the tip toeing feet.

"You can't keep a whole world silent." She didn't have to have her eyes open to know that it was Tommy talking.

"Shh." Sadie whispered. "She hardly slept last night, and spent all day with Speid, she's exhausted." The tone is Sadie's voice made Jude smile. She sounded so worried, so motherly.

"Then take her home Sade." Tommy whispered back.

The longer Jude laid there, with Tommy's jacket warped around her, the harder it became. The smell was too much for her to take, overwhelming her half awake mind with memories. She slowly opened her eyes, allowing them to adjust to the light. She could see Sadie, her fingers to her lips, hushing people as they walked by. And Tommy, was sitting down on the coffee table, his eyes seemed to be studying her face. She wasn't able to avoid his eyes, and she could feel her mouth twitch into a small smile.

"Hey gr-Jude." Tommy whispered catching himself.

Jude knew that he was going to say girl, the term he had used with her so many times, a word she had become to loath and love at the same time. But that was years ago, a different life time ago, back when they were different people. She pushed herself into a sitting position, and stretched out. "Sadie, it's okay, I'm up."

"Oh, Jude, I wanted to let you sleep until Kwest got here." Sadie said turning around to look at her sister.

"What time is it?" Jude asked, looking around for a clock.

"Almost eight." Sadie sighed, "I tried to call to tell you I'd be late, but all I got was your voice mail."

Jude reached for her phone, before she remembered she didn't have it. "I think I left my phone at the rehearsal space." Jude said pointing towards Tommy.

"A rock star who forgets her phone." Tommy laughed standing up.

Jude watched him, as she offered his jacket back to him.

"We can go get it when Kwest gets here, then catch a late dinner." Sadie smiled at her.

Jude stretched her arms above her head, and yawned. She watched as Darius came out of his office, looking at her.

"Jude!" he nearly shouted across the lobby making all their heads turn.

"I don't even work here, and I'm already getting yelled at." Jude laughed nervously, she had always been scared whenever he got angry. She knew what Darius was upset about. She had avoided all of his phone call, which was probably why she had forgotten her phone to start with. She had turned the ringer off, and placed it on a stack of notebooks.

"Hey D." Jude smiled as he approached them.

"You sleep on my couch, but you don't answer my calls." He said, looking annoyed at her presences. "You better have an answer for me, the correct answer."

Jude put her hands together, and placed them under her chin. She knew what she wanted to tell him, she wanted to tell him to stick it where the sun doesn't shine, but she figured that wasn't the answer he was looking for. "Here's the thing Darius." She wasn't sure if using his whole name was even the right thing to do, she had only seen a handful of people call him Darius to his face, but she had always called him D, and Darius when he wasn't around. "I am on a vacation, a break, I'm not here to work."

Jude could see his nose twitch, and she knew he wasn't happy.

"D, you promised you'd give her some time, to let her think it over." Sadie said shooting him daggers with her eyes. Jude knew the look well. "She has hardly been here, and I would like to spend some time with her."

Jude sighed, she could feel the tension around them as Tommy backed up a few feet, as if avoiding a blow up.

"This album means nothing without you." Darius said looking back at Jude.

"Yeah, no pressure." Jude said putting her hands up. She could see the frustration on his face, his lips tighter than normal.

"There is no pressure." Sadie said stepping between the two, bringing the argument to a stop. "Jude can have a few more days, she can get settled in before she needs to give you an answer, and Jude can seriously think it over."

"Fine." It was easy to see the power that Sadie now held at G Major. "The end of the week Harrison, no later."

"Then prepare yourself for whatever my answer will be." Jude said watching him walk away. It was moments like these that made her glad she had left G Major. Darius was more controlling than anyone she had ever meet.

"I think its best, if we wait outside for Kwest, the last blow up between the two of them, regarding the album wasn't pretty." Sadie sighed. Jude could see that Sadie was just trying to avoid anymore conflict.

As Sadie pulled Jude out into the summer air, she sighed out of frustration and annoyance. She had been perfectly asleep, resting, and all it took was for G Major to send her into a bad mood. The stress of the whole building was hard to take. She watched as Sadie called Kwest, and Tommy came strolling out behind them.

"No one upsets D like you." Tommy laughed.

Jude could feel all the tension in her body relax at the sound of his laugh. She was sure it was just a natural reaction, he had always had that effect on her, and she didn't see why it would be any different now. But it annoyed her as she looked at him, to think that he still had this power over her, after so many years, after so much silence, he should have nothing, not when it came to her. She needed to call Marcie, she needed to vent, she needed the advice and support she was looking for, and as she looked at Sadie she knew she wasn't going to get it. Her sister was too tired, and to tied to work.

"Come on Harrison, I'll take you to get your phone." Tommy said breaking her train of thought.

Jude looked at him as though he was crazy.

"You're figures." He said pointing at her hands. She was nervously tapping on her thumbs. She knew she needed it phone, and she knew that Tommy could tell that. Being without it, was like being without a lifeline on the million dollar question.

"I'll wait for Kwest." Jude huffed, turning away from him. Why was he able to still read her like a book?

"Or I could put you out of your misery and take you now." Tommy sighed.

"Jude, you better go, Kwest hasn't even left yet." Sadie sounded annoyed as she hung up the phone. Jude knew the only person that was allowed to be late was Sadie.

"Sadie, we'll take a cab." Jude pleaded with her sister.

"No, I'll call for a car, and meet you at the restaurant." Sadie smiled, Jude could tell it was to hide her anger.

"No, I'll just get it tomorrow." Jude said going to her sister and giving her a one arm hug. "Harrison sister dinner." She reminded her, hoping she would hear the need in her voice.

"I'm not going to listen to your phone going off all night. I do have to get up and work tomorrow." Tommy rolled his eyes at her.

She knew it was going against her better judgment, against the words she had spoken to Ozzie that morning. She had no intentions of seeing him, but now, as she stared at him, she knew that she wasn't going to be able to avoid him, it was impossible, and she had seen that in the last 24 hours.

"Fine, fine." She gave up. She needed her phone, she needed to call Dylan, she needed to talk to Marcie, and she knew, at some point she was going to need to call Ozzie.

As she slipped into the leather seat of the blue viper, she realized this wasn't the car she had learned to drive in, this wasn't the same viper. Everything about the car smelled new. She looked at the touch screen stereo and wondered if Tommy even knew how to use it. "This is new." She told him as he started the car.

"Lease." Tommy explained. "I flew up here."

"Right." Jude nodded, as watched as Sadie and G Major were left behind them. "Where are you living now?" she knew, but she didn't want him to know that she did.

"Nowhere." Tommy shrugged his shoulders. "I went back home for awhile, spent some time visiting with my mom and brother."

Jude remembered, she remembered what Tommy's home life was like, the hurtful words his mother had yell at him, the way Tommy acted. She remembered when he had broken her heart through the holding bars, the way he smelled of beer. She had been broken that day, so broken that she wasn't sure she was ever going to be right again. He had messed with her heart and her mind. She had become so obsessed that she had over produced her album, and lost herself.

"Now, I just go where they need me." Tommy went on. "I did some producing in L.A., then headed over to New York, spent some time in Montreal and Vancouver."

"Living the life as a free producer." Jude smiled at him.

"I guess." Tommy nodded. "Not like you, jet setting around the world."

"Well we can't both be rock stars." Jude laughed. "The things I've got to see, sometimes it all feels like it's a dream. It's been amazing."

"Good, I'm glad to hear that." Tommy shot her a simple smile, one that made her know he meant what he said. "So why'd you tell D you didn't want to do it?"

Jude knew he was watching her out of the corner of his eye.

"It was all over your face girl. You know you're going to produce, so why drag it out?" Tommy asked, and Jude could tell as soon as the sentence left his mouth, he regretted the word choice, the girl. He had stopped himself earlier from using it, but this time it had escaped, and it put a different type of tension between them.

"I'm here for a break Tommy, that's what my label wants." Jude sighed, she chose to ignore the slip up. She would allow herself to think it over later, not now. "I just want Darius to see that, I'm not his puppet anymore, I'm a real artist."

"The album is due in four weeks, you should remember how stressed out he gets towards the end of production." Tommy's words were simple.

"I remember, but he could at least give me a few days to see everyone, to do what I need to do, before forcing me into the studio." Jude sighed. "I'm going to do it, I knew, after what you said this morning, I have to do it."

"You don't have to Jude." Tommy looked over at her, his face serious. "You should only do it, if you truly want to do it."

Jude knew, she knew that she wanted to do it, she just had to warm up to the idea, she had to warm up to the idea of working with Tommy again.


	11. Chapter 11

"Live and let live, Jude." Marcie told her. "If you continue to fret over this, it'll only make you mental."

Jude rolled over, looking at the computer screen. She wanted Marcie to be able to read her expression, she didn't want to say the words out loud, she didn't want to admit it.

"Oh." The girl laughed, "You are mental."

Jude watched as she threw her head back in laugher. It was hard for her to find the humor in the whole situation. She had just spent the last twenty minutes reliving the last few days at G Major, the vibe she got from Tommy, that he himself was trying to avoid her. She had only spoken with him twice since the night she forgot her cell phone. She knew that it was better if they stayed away from each other, the tabloids had been out of control and so had the rumors, they were so out of control she had been getting personal calls from Dylan, and that was never a good sign.

"I told you, I said I shouldn't come back here." Jude reminded her of the day in the airport. "We should have taken off for Thailand, spend two months on the beach."

"Jude." The girl sighed, looking back at her thought the screen. Her dark eyes matched perfectly to her almost black hair. "I'm not a rock star, I'm a teacher, I couldn't have left, my kids would go bonkers without me, which you clearly have."

"I'm in my right mind." Jude pushed all her hair to one side, wanting to convince herself of that statement. It hadn't been easy in London, to get over Tommy, to push him out of her mind and heart enough to allow someone else in. But she had done it, she had let Ozzie in over a year ago, but she knew, deep down, there was part of her heart she was still keeping guarded. "Ugh." She sighed out of pure frustration. "What is wrong with me?"

"We could start with that shirt, and end with that picture I see. " Marcie said as her face grew bigger and her eyes squinted, she was leaning in.

Jude turned to see what was behind her, the picture of her and Tommy was sitting back up right. She sighed, rolling her eyes as she looked back at her friend. "I didn't have time to pack things up before I left."

"And since you've been back? It's almost been a week, and you've been sleeping next to that." Marcie smiled. "But you know, maybe that's the point, you didn't have time to pack things up."

"What do you mean?" Jude wondered.

"You left, you pretty much ran away from an engagement, you willingly jumped into. You dealt with him being in Canada while you here, but you never dealt with what it would be like being around him again." She explained.

Jude thought, Marcie made sense; it was easy to deal with feelings when she didn't have to see the person, but now, seeing him and being around him, it made everything feel different.

"No offense, because you know I adore you, but you're starting to sound like a wanker, not a rock star." Marcie was always quick with the insults. "Do you want to be the girl that cares, or the girl that blows everyone's minds and ears?"

"Mind blowing." Jude knew that hands down, that was what she had always wanted. That was why she had left, she just wanted to be a rock star.

"Then don't worry about Little Tommy Q anymore, go to the studio, hold your head high, and produce the bloody hell out of those songs." Marcie's voice was strong. "Then get back here, because it the parties aren't parties without you."

"I might be the sweetest thing you've said all night." Jude laughed.

"I only speak the truth." She smiled.

"You're the best, I love you." Jude said sitting up on her bed.

"Of course." Marcie smiled, giving a small wave before Jude's screen went blank.


	12. Chapter 12

Her fingers tapped in sync with Speidermans guitar. The simple chords came through her headphones, her eyes locked on his fingers as they moved along the guitar neck. She smiled as he finished. She had taken Marcie's advice, because it was the only advice she had gotten. She needed to focus on nothing but the songs she was producing.

"That was good Speid, but do it again, and watch the finger noise, and the slip up, Karma does it in a C, not G." she nodded at him, as he began to play again.

"A C?" Karma asked from the door.

Jude turned around in the chair and smiled at her, letting the headphone fall down around her neck. "Karma." She smiled at the girl leaning on the frame.

"Wish I could say that I'm happy your back." Karma remarked coming into the room.

"It's good to see you too Karma." Jude said knowing that she was still the same girl as she was five years ago. With all the time that Speiderman had spent in London, Jude could only recall Karma being there twice, and once was for her own tour.

"Why the sudden return? Did that British boy finally dump you?" Karma asked, taking the chair next to Jude.

"No." Jude said laughing, it was easy to remember why she didn't like Karma. "My contract is up, and they won't sign me for a few more weeks, so I thought it would be the perfect time to come and visit Sadie."

"Right," it sounded more like a noise than actual words coming out of her mouth. "And you being nice, and letting me record one of your old songs, what's that about?"

"This is an Instant Star hits album, the song was a hit, and I'm not singing." Jude explained. Darius had offered to let her sing, but she kindly declined and said she's rather be behind the sound board at G Major than a microphone. But she did agree to let them use one of her songs, as long as she was able to produce it.

"Hey ladies!" Speid shouted from the recording booth, "I know you're not listening."

Jude reached up and turned off the recording, and hit the intercom. "Sorry Speid, I think your wife is here for lunch, let's call it a morning."

"Sure thing, producer lady." Speid nodded back at them.

"It's too bad that guy didn't dump you." Karma sighed, her face turned towards Speid.

"Excuse me?" Jude asked.

"He's British Jude, his teeth are all wrong, and lets be serious, all English men smell." Karma smiled back over at her.

"Karma, as your producer, I really won't try and piss me off, especially when you're singing this afternoon." Jude looked at her with a cold expression. She wasn't going to stand for any of Karma's drama, not this time.

"Oh, touchy subject, maybe he did dump you." Karma said pushing herself out of the chair and meeting her husband just outside the door.

"You coming to lunch Dude?" Speid asked.

"No, you guys go, I'm going to try and work with what we've got, make sure it's ready for Karma this afternoon." Jude said before turning back to her sound board. She had hardly been back for a week and she found herself working in G Major. It wasn't what she had wanted, what she had planned, but it was better in away. For the first month in London she had been bottling up all her frustrations, being unable to work or do much of anything. And now she was finally able to put all of that to rest, and do what she wanted. She moved a few keys, while she played back what Speid had recorded.

"Glad to see you still remember how to use a soundboard." Tommy laughed from the door way.

Jude looked up at him and smiled. Once she had agreed to work on the album, she was surprised at how little she saw of Tommy Quincy. She was sure that he was going to be everywhere all the time, but she had mostly only seen him in passing, or when she was making coffee. The conversations between the two had been light, playful.

"Something's are hard to forget." Jude smiled up at him. "Karma's song should be done in soon, and ready for mixing." It was easier to take Marcie's advice when she wasn't looking directly at him.

"That's good, cause I need your help." Tommy said taking the seat that Karma had just been in.

"Little Tommy Q needs my help?" Jude teased.

"Yeah, we're trying to fix the bridge in this song, and I'm coming up blank." Tommy said handing her the music sheets. "It's May final song, and it just isn't working."

"May?" Jude asked, raising an eyebrow. Whenever she had seen Tommy in G Major, the girl hadn't been far behind. She couldn't help but wonder about the relationship between the two. May was the last artist at G Major that Tommy worked with, and Jude knew that it was hard to resist the Boyz Attack charm that Tommy would always have.

"Yeah, you gonna look at the song, or stare at him like he kicked your puppy?" May asked from next to them. Jude hadn't even heard her come into the room.

Jude looked at up the girl, trying to keep from glaring at her before looking back down at the papers Tommy had given her. "I'll look it over, but I've got to work on the music for Karma's song, she's recording this afternoon."

"That's all we're asking for." Tommy smiled at Jude. "And you know, I'd be glad to give the music a listen, help put it all together."

Jude didn't like the idea of him working with her song again, at least not this song. She already knew that he knew which song they were doing, but the idea of working with him, seeing his face while someone else sang the lyrics, the words she had written so long along about him, she wasn't sure if she was ready for that.

"It's okay, I've got it covered. I'll look this over when I go to lunch." Jude nodded putting the papers down on the sound board.

"I'm really excited about this, having Jude Harrison look at one of my songs; it's like a dream or something." May beamed at her. Jude could tell he was being genuine, and that made her want to dislike the girl even more. She knew that she had no reason not to like her, Jude had no claim on Tommy anymore, and no claim in G Major. She had chosen to leave this life, and had started a new one. But she couldn't help the way she would feel whenever she saw the girl.

"Yeah, it'll be great." Jude said trying o sound excited as well. "Now, I've really got to get this put together, I don't want a Karma fit."

"No one wants one of those." Tommy laughed standing up. "And remember, I'm here if you need anything." He said before placing his hand on the small of May's back and guiding her out of the sound booth.

Jude could almost feel the blood drain from her face as she watched them, as Tommy whispered something into the girls ear, and she just smiled. It had only taken him days to bring her right back to where she didn't want to be, thinking about him. She reached for her phone and dialed Marcie, praying she would pick up.

"My love," Marcie's voice sounded pleased.

"Hey, I'm dying over here." Jude said closing the door, and dropping the blind. She didn't want anymore interruptions, or anyone to hear her phone call.

"Oh, please share." The girl asked.

"He's asked me to help him with a song, a song, for another girl." Jude sighed, sitting back down, the papers in front of her. "You don't ask an ex to help you with things like that."

Marcie was silent for a moment, and Jude knew that she was trying to form the right words, to say something that would make it all better. "Well since I'm sitting here, with your band, I think its best we all work together on this song." Jude could hear the warning in her voice, he was there with her. "I'll put you on speaker, sing what you've got, the guys can help."

"No!" Jude said quickly. She didn't want to sing, not this song, not any song. "I need your advice, which you clearly can't give me at the moment."

"That's a good way of putting it." Marcie laughed. "But the boys would really love to hear your voice. I think Freddy is starting to miss your blonde head."

Jude laughed at the idea of Freddy missing her. Freddy was her London drummer. He was amazing on the drums, but outside of the band Jude and him had no common ground to form a friendship on. They were at constant odds with each other while on tour.

"They all think you've shacked up with your old group." Marcie explained, and Jude could hear them in the background, shouting her name, and insults about SME.

"You can assure them I've only goofed around with SME, they are the only boys that get my studio time." Jude laughed. When she had first played with All Time High, it felt like she was cheating on SME, but when she had played with SME the other day, it felt right, she didn't feel guilty, she felt at home. But hearing them, her friend, the people that helped make London her new home, made her even more upset. She wanted to be there, she wanted to be with them, going to café's, clubbing, playing some random show, running from the cameras. She wanted to be back to her life, the one she had left Toronto for, the one she left Tommy for.

"Would you like me to call you later?" Marcie asked, her tone a little more serious. "I'll ditch the boys, and call you back, if needed."

"No," Jude said brushing a tear off her check. She knew that if she didn't get off the phone soon Marcie would be able to hear the tears in her voice. And that would only make things worse. She was already mad at Ozzie for not understanding why she didn't want to come back, she was made at Tommy for being Tommy, and she was mostly mad at herself for both leaving, and coming back.

"Why don't we skype later, I miss those eyes." Marcie laughed, and Jude knew that she could already hear the break down.

"Yeah, if I ever get out of G Major." Jude tried to laugh. "Tell everyone hi for me," she hung up quickly and hung her head. What was she doing?


	13. Chapter 13

Jude nodded her head and Karma sang the words. She use to have such a fear of someone else singing her music, singing it better than she had. That was why she was so upset so many years ago when Karma wanted to do a cover of her song, that and Karma was working with Tommy. She knew that Karma would take it to a whole new level, and Jude wasn't sure she was ready for that. After her career was taking off in London, she heard so many different people singing her music, and she began to love it. It was a sign that she was truly a rock star, and that was what she wanted. She stared to bounce on the balls of her feet as Karma hit the right notes, bring it to an end.

"Karma that was perfect, think you can give it another go?" Jude asked quickly, smiling at the girl.

"Always." Karma smiled back. It was easy for them to work together on music, but outside of the studio Jude was the girl that had told Speid not to marry her, and Jude knew how that had always hurt Karma, even after she set it straight.

"She's really nailing it, isn't she?" Speid asked from the back couch.

"Listen." Jude said, clicking the button, and the whole sound booth was filled with Karma's voice. "Maybe it's because it's my song, but its good Speid, its really good."

"You do have a way of making it awesome." Speid laughed. The only thing about the song that reminded Jude that it was hers were the lyrics, the rest was all Karma. There was a certain sexy vibe to the song, where as when Jude done it, it had been rock.

As Karma finished another take Jude smiled clapping her hands. "Get in here, that was perfect."

Jude was excited. It had only taken them three days to have the whole song perfect, and now she knew all it needed was the perfect mixing, and it would be ready for the album. "Ah, this is the rush I've needed." She said turning to look at Speid.

"Yeah, the other day at the loft, you sorta sucked, but I didn't want to tell you that." He laughed.

Jude's mouth opened in shock and she threw a pen at him. "I was awesome, you guys were off your game." She knew it was teasing, the kind of teasing she had missed. Back in London no one would ever tell her that she was off her game, unless it was true.

"So?" Karma asked coming in.

"It's great, I think it's going to out sell Milo." Jude laughed.

"Anyone could out sell him." Karma rolled her eyes. "But really? You like it?" Jude could hear the uncertainty in her voice. She knew how scary it was to sing someone else's song, and have them producing it. Jude herself had worked with the Kelly Clarkson, the first winner of American Idol, on a song for her last album, and she was so scared of having her hate the song, or the way she had sang it.

"Did you not see her bouncing around?" Speid asked. "Dude loves it, babe."

Jude had to turn away while the two of them kissed. It was hard for her to watch public displays of affection when they were so affectionate.

"I think we should have D listen, then send it in for a final mixing." Jude said when the two were done. "If he doesn't love it, I'll let your record all my songs."

"That's betting big." Karma said raising her eyebrows.

"That's how much I know he's going to love it." Jude smiled at her. "I'll go find him." She said squeezing past the two, she could tell there was more affection coming, and didn't want to be in the room.

Outside of the studio, the lobby was empty. Jude knew that it was past seven, most everyone was at a rehearsal, or had already gone home for the day. But she knew that Darius was still there because she could see the lights under his office door.

"I take it, with all the kissing, the song is done." Tommy said coming up behind Jude.

Jude jumped a little. She hadn't seen him in the lobby. She turned around and smiled at him, May was nowhere in sight, but Jude knew it wouldn't take long for her to show up. "What can I say, Karma knows what she's doing."

"So, you look at that song yet?" Tommy asked, as the two walked across the lobby, to Darius's door.

Jude bit down on her lip as she looked up at him. His eyes were searching her face for a sign, and sign she knew she wasn't going to give away. How could she tell him?

"I can see it, all over your face Harrison. Just spit it out." Tommy sighed.

"The song sucks." Jude said shrugging her shoulders. "I looked it over a hundred times, and even asked Speid to look at it, but it just sucks."

"You can't expect it to be perfect, May doesn't normally write her own stuff." Tommy came to the defense right away, and that threw Jude off. She hadn't been expecting that.

"I'm sorry Tommy. You asked me to look at it, and I did." Jude rolled her eyes, knocking on the door. "But I can't fix the bridge, when the whole song blows."

Tommy's hand went right to his eyes, Jude could see the stress on his forehead as he rubbed his eyes, trying to think of what to say.

"Talk to Mason, see if you can pull one of his hits, and use that." Jude suggested as she pushed open the office door. "Hey D, sorry to bother you, but I want you to listen to the song before we mix it."

"That's my girl, already got a song done." Darius laughed standing up from behind his desk. "How's May's song coming Tom?"

"Apparently it blows." Tommy said looking over at Jude.

"Then fix it." Darius snapped. "Now let's hear this song." He turned his attention back to Jude.

Jude mouthed sorry to Tommy as she and Darius walked back to the studio.

As Jude had Darius listen to the song, she saw the smile on his face, the one she would see after completing a song so many years ago.

"It's perfect, send it over, let the engineers do their magic, and get started on the next song." He said looking at Jude.

"Mason won't be here for another day." Jude reminded him.

"Then you can help Tommy and May, I want that song done." Darius told her before leaving the sound booth.

"Dude, you should have just said okay." Speid sighed getting off the couch. "The only way you can fix that song is to start over."

"Then it's a good thing she's a songwriter." Karma smiled. "Come on Speidy, my work is done, I want to go home."

Jude could read the expression on her face and shut her eyes tight, "Get out, both of you." She laughed, pushing the couple out. "If I need your help, I'll call."

"Don't bother, he'll be busy." Karma laughed before dragging her husband away.

Jude sighed and turned towards the studio that Tommy was in. Standing in the door way, she watched him look over the lyrics, muttering them to himself, she could see the frustration. "The sooner you admit that it sucks, the better." She sighed shaking her head at him.

Tommy looked up at her and rolled his eyes. "I'm not in the mood, I need to get this done, so we can start laying the tracks down."

"You're lucky then, Jude Harrison to the rescue." Jude laughed, taking a super hero pose, with both her hands on his hips and looking upward. She knew it would make Tommy laugh as well.

"You sure you're not still 17?" Tommy asked.

"23, but trust me, that doesn't mean I can't be a super hero." Jude smiled taking the seat next to him. "So what's the deal, you know it's bad, I knew it was when you asked me to look at it."

Tommy sighed and leaned back in the chair. "How do I tell her that?" he asked.

"It's pretty easy, you use to tell me." Jude reminded him, thinking about the day he tore into her first song, the rage she felt inside.

"Yeah, but your diva fits never lasted long." Tommy smiled back at her. "And most of your songs didn't suck."

"Why don't you just tell her it would be easier to pick a song, an Instant Star hit, that's what Karma, Mason and Milo are doing, it's sort of the point of the whole album." She watched him as he finally looked up at her.

"She did." Tommy sighed, and Jude could see the sadness in his eyes.

"Then what's the problem?" Jude wondered.

"She's picky, and she only liked two songs." Tommy sighed, Jude could tell he was having a hard time just telling her.

"What two songs?" she asked, almost not wanting to know.

"White Line, or Here We Go Again." Tommy whispered.

Jude could feel her heart stop. There were certain songs, songs that meant more to her than others that she hadn't let other people record, and most of them were the songs she had written about Tommy. And now, this girl, Tommy's girl, wanted to do Jude's songs about Tommy, their songs.

Jude knew that the shock and anger filled her face before she had the chance to compose herself, but she couldn't hide it from Tommy.

"This," Tommy said holding up the papers. "It's the only other option."

"Then I'll tell her." Jude said shaking her head. "She's not doing White Lines, or our song, that song." She remembered the first time she had sang Here We Go Again with Tommy, standing on some makeshift stage in his home town.

"I know she's not doing them, I wasn't about to let her do either of them." Tommy shot back with just as much anger that was displayed on Jude's face. "That's why she wrote a song."

"There has got to be another song." Jude said standing up.

"Jude." Tommy said, trying to stop her from leaving.

"No, Tommy." Jude said turning around and looking at her. "I know what I'm doing, just trust me."

Jude had no idea what she was doing. But she knew that she wasn't going to help this girl write a song, and she wasn't going to let her record her Tommy songs, those were hers. She found the girl in front of one of the computers, looking through fan sites. "May." She said getting her attention.

"Oh, Jude. Did you look at my song?" May asked brightly. "I know it must be weird, looking over a song about Tommy and all."

Jude thought the girl looked so young, so naïve, she had a hard time not rolling her eyes. "Look May, about your song." She was finding it harder and harder to find the right words, she knew how crushing it was to have someone tare about her hard work, her feelings. "It doesn't go with the theme of the album, you know what I mean?"

The girl just stared back, confused.

"Everyone else is either redoing one of their hits, or another Instant Star hit, that's why it's called Greatest Hits." Jude explained slowly.

"I tried to pick one of your songs, but Tommy said he would produce either of the ones I liked." May said shaking her head.

"Yeah, the songs you want to do, they aren't on the chopping block for other artists to cover, they are mine." Jude said pulling her bottom lip in. "Why don't we go over the list again, Mason has some really good songs?"

"I'm not a country singer." The girl rolled her eyes. "I get it, you don't want to work with your ex, and me. But Tommy and I make really good music together, and this song, it's going to be amazing, because that's what it's about."

Jude watched as the girl started to walk away from her, and that was when the lyrics popped into her head. "My Sweet Time!" Jude shouted, making everyone in the lobby stop and look at her. She watched as the girl turned slowly.

"It's all about making amazing music, and it was my first big hit." Jude said walking towards her. She knew that this was the only solution. "Tommy can do some amazing things with that song." She watched as May thought it over, she could see the idea playing in the girls head.

"I'll have to hear the song." May said before turning back around, headed straight for the studio that Tommy was in.

"Talk about a diva, I'm not sure who's worse, her or Karma." Sadie sighed coming up behind her sister. "I'm done for the day, are you ready?"

Jude turned and looked back at her sister. "Give me a minute, I want to see if she'll take the song." Jude told her before hurrying towards the studio.

"It's a good song, we can make it fit you." Tommy was smiling at the girl. "We can get SME to lay the tracks, or pull from the original."

"Whatever you think it best." May smiled back, her hands on Tommy's knees.

Jude smiled at the two. "It's a great song."

She could see the thank you in Tommy's eyes, she gave him a simple smile before turning around the leaving the two alone. She was happy to know that she had come to the rescues, and save two of her songs. As she walked out of G Major with Sadie and Big Lou, she felt a great sense of accomplishment, but it was soon taken over by the thoughts of Tommy. He seemed to invade her mind the longer she was back, and she knew there was only one way to deal with the problem. She took her phone out of her bag, as they drove away, and sent a message to Speiderman, and the guys.

"Meet me in the morning, I've got a song I need to get out of me." She could already hear the lyrics in her head, and guitar chords, and everything. It wasn't going to take her long to get it all out.


	14. Chapter 14

_So I'm pretty sure that I just finsihed the story. But I feel like it fell apart in the middle. I am not sure if I lost inspiration, or interest in getting through the middle. When I started to write it, I knew how I wanted it to start, and how I wanted it to end, and certain things I wanted to happen throughout the story, but I think it fell apart when I was trying to fill in all the blanks. I apologizes if it turns to crap. But either way, enjoy, cause I'm posting it all._

* * *

><p>Jude knew she needed more coffee, and as she searched though Tommy's thing, she was coming up empty handed. There was nothing, no food, nothing but water bottles. She sighed in frustration. How could he have been living here for almost a month, and not have any coffee? She wasn't sure if she was able to go a few hours without some, let alone a whole day. She turned around when she heard the loft door open.<p>

"Find what you're looking for?" Tommy asked, smiling at her.

"You don't have coffee." Jude held her arms out. "How can you not have coffee?"

"I don't need it the way you do." Tommy said extending it hand, and the large star bucks cup in it. "I figured you'd need this. I tried to call Spiederman this morning, to see if he could come in, but he said he was strict orders to meet you here, something about a new song."

Jude took the coffee, and inhaled the sweet smell. "You're a godsend." She said smiling at Tommy. "And sorry, it just a spur of the moment thing, I promise you can have him this afternoon, I just need some SME time."

"You always loved your band." Tommy laughed.

"You can't fight chemistry." Jude smiled, as she watched him leave. As she sipped on her coffee, she sat down in front of the keyboard, playing a few notes at a time, trying to see how the words would fit with the music in her head. "I can be tough, I can be strong…" she started to sing it softly to herself, listening to the music, trying to match it to the words.

By the time Kyle, Wally and Speid showed up, she was ready, she was ready for them to help her work out the song, to make it right.

"Dude, you wrote this?" Speid said looking down at the words.

"Yeah, is it that bad?" Jude wondered, she got scared as she watched him, seeing the confusion on his face.

"No, it's just, well…" he was struggling with his words, and that scared Jude even more.

"It sucks." Jude sighed, throwing her head back in frustration.

"No, seriously, it's good," Speid said still looking confused.

"Then what?" Jude didn't see where the confusion was coming from.

"It's not my place, but Dude, Tommy?" she could see it, she could finally see the source of the confusion. "It's been years, I though you got over this."

Jude sighed, and looked away from the three boys. She could feel their eyes burning on her back, waiting for her answer. She had gotten over it, she had let Tommy go, and she was happy with her life in London, but why did her life in Toronto still seem to fit so well? She was so sure that everything was going to be uncomfortable, and different, but the longer she was around, the easier it was to just fall back into the old routines, routines that she had missed.

"I did, I am." Jude said turning back to look at them, she knew they were the only ones that would understand. "London is my home, I love my label, my life there, my friends. I have everything there I need, and Ozzie, but here, I come here and everything fits together even better than it does in London." She knew that home had always been her safety net, they had always been her crutch, not just Tommy. She had always known that if things didn't work out in London, she would be able to come back and continue with her life. "Feelings aren't something we can control, and if I don't get this out soon, I'm going to explode."

"Got it, Jude guts are not on my list of things to see today." Kyle said taking his seat behind the drums.

"We can't judge, we just play." Wally said plugging his bass in.

"Alright Rock Star, let's hear it." Speid said following the others. Jude knew that he was keeping his thoughts to himself, and she loved him even more for that. She knew that it was wrong, that Tommy had inspired her to write yet another song.

_All I need, all I know_  
><em>Beg you please, no I won't let go<em>  
><em>Moving on, it's not the same<em>  
><em>All messed up and it's that I blame<em>  
><em>Oh I came that way, oh I came that way<em>  
><em>Oh I came that way, oh I came that way<em>

_People talking like they don't even know where they're walking_  
><em>Hurricane girl<em>  
><em>About to explode<em>  
><em>Pieces missing, like they don't even know how to listen<em>  
><em>Hurricane girl, hurricane girl<em>  
><em>About to explode<em>

_Show me love, show you love_  
><em>It's like a trick, we have to rise above<em>  
><em>Let me face you in the eyes<em>  
><em>Let you know that when I did, I die<em>  
><em>Oh we came that way, oh we came that way<em>  
><em>Oh we came that way, oh we came that way<em>

_People talking like they don't even know where they're walking_  
><em>Hurricane girl<em>  
><em>About to explode<em>  
><em>Pieces missing, like they don't even know how to listen<em>  
><em>Hurricane girl (Hurricane girl)<em>  
><em>About to explode<em>

_All I need, all I know_  
><em>Beg you please, no I won't let go<em>  
><em>Moving on, it's not the same<em>  
><em>All messed up and it's that I blame<em>

_People talking like they don't even know where they're walking_  
><em>Hurricane girl<em>  
><em>About to explode<em>  
><em>Pieces missing, like they don't even know how to listen<em>  
><em>Hurricane girl, hurricane girl<em>  
><em>About to explode*<em>

As the music ended Jude turned around and looked at the guys. "That song, never leaves this room." She sighed. Singing it was like lifting the pressure off her shoulders, the confusion she had about her strong dislike towards May, and towards Tommy.

"Got it." All three boys said in unison.

"Jude, you shouldn't stop writing, not if it's the only out let you have." Wally said looking at her. "You're in a situation that would drive just about anyone crazy."

"He's right, I mean, you've got to _Sing it out, you've got to be what tomorrow needs**."_ Speid laughed, playing the chords to match the match. That was all it took to get them all playing, while Jude tried to remember all the lyrics to the song, laughing as Wally and Kyle tried to help her. Playing them with, singing with them, it was her true out let.

_* Alexz Johnson Hurricane Girl_

_** My Chemical Romance_ (I could have sworn the song was old)


	15. Chapter 15

Jude sat behind the soundboard, everything seemed better. She watched as Mason sang a country version of one of Milo's song. She was amazed at how much growing he had done as an artist. Ever since her little jam session with SME the day before, she had felt so much better, and her mind seemed to be clearer. She looked over at Tommy and he switched off the mic.

"Mason, take a break, you're getting to high in the middle." Tommy told him.

Jude sat up straight and looked at him, what was he talking about? "He sounded good, and it's his fifth take, you can't blame him for spilling up."

"Which is why he needs a break." Tommy said looking over at Jude. "What's with all the smiling? You're starting to creep me out."

"What?" Jude asked, trying to hide her smile, but the longer she looked at Tommy that harder it was, and she started to laugh. "Sorry, I'm just in a good mood, I enjoyed yesterday morning with SME."

"Yeah, and they laid down some good tracks yesterday." Tommy said laughing as well. "They are easier to work with when you're around."

"What can I say, I just bring out the best in them." Jude said reaching for a piece of licorice on the sound board.

"You bring out the best in everyone." Tommy whispered, standing up and leaning down over her, his hands on the arm rests of her chair, and his face, just inches from her own. She could smell his gum and feel the warmth of his face, and it made her heart speed up, sending blood to her face. She knew that her cheeks had to be beat red, he was always good at making her blush.

"But not enough to eat my licorice." He whispered, biting down on the red rope candy in her hand, pulling it away from her.

Jude had to take a deep breath in order to calm herself down, steady her heart. She could still smell him as she watched him laughing at her.

"You're not funny." Jude said as Tommy sat back down.

"Oh, I'm hilarious." Tommy smiled, putting the candy in his mouth.

"I can be just as funny then." Jude smirked, leaning over just as he had done, but she took on hand and ran it down the length of his face, before pulling the back out of his mouth, and biting off the other end.

"Hysterical." Tommy whispered, Jude's face still inches from his.

Jude could feel it in her stomach, as she saw it in his eyes, the only thing that stopped them from kissing was a knock on the door, and the British accent that could have stopped Jude's heart.

"Am I interrupting?" he asked from behind them.

Jude stood up quickly, the candy still in hand, as she tried to swallow her bite without choking. She wanted to turn around and smile, to be excited, but she knew the only thing on her face was shock, and she looked at him. His dark hair was cut short, shorter than when she had left, and she knew he hadn't shaved in a few days, the stubble was visible. But while she looked at him, she could see the pain and anger in his eyes, the pain she was causing him. She stepped away from Tommy quickly, putting as much distance as she could between them, and went right into hugging him. "Oz, what are you doing here?" she asked feeling his arms encircling her waist. He smelled like home, like London.

"I had a few reason." He answered as their hug ended, and without thinking about it, she kissed him.

Tommy cleared his throat behind and them Jude could see the fake smile on his lips.

"Sorry, Tom this is Ozzie, my lead guitarist, Oz, this is Tom Quincy, my-" she didn't know how to describe him. What was the right word? Ex-fiancé, old friend, was there something that could sum up their relationship?

"Co-producer." Tommy said coming to her recues.

"Yes, I know who you are." Ozzie said, shaking his hand anyways.

Jude felt as though he was trying to mark his territory, like an animal, but she knew it was the way men acted, she had seen it before with Tommy.

"I'm going to go check on Mason, see if he's ready to give it another go." Tommy said, pointing to the recording booth, before sending Jude a look, a look that Jude herself didn't understand.

Once Tommy was gone Jude turned back to face Ozzie, his green eyes didn't look angry anymore, only happy, happy to be looking back into hers. "What reasons?" she asked, her hands resting on his shoulders, with his arms still around her waist.

"You." He said simply. "I don't like fighting with you, and I've hardly heard a word since you left. And can you blame me for being worried? When I do show you, it looks like you and your ex are snogging."

Jude laughed at the word, and she knew that it only hurt him more. "I'm sorry, it's just that I've missed those different terms."

"Fine, then making out." Ozzie said, and Jude knew he was trying his hardest to sound Canadian, but it only sent her into a harder giggling frenzy.

Jude had to pull away from him to hold her sides. She knew that it would only add fuel to his fire, but she really couldn't help it, the way he sounded.

"Jude." The tone in her voice, made her stop laughing, and she sat down in the chair that Tommy had been in earlier.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry." She said looking up at him. "Nothing was going on, I promise." She reached for her hands, and the chair pulled her closer to him again. "As mad as I am at you, I'm really glad you're here. I missed you." She whispered as he pulled her out of the chair and into another kiss.


	16. Chapter 16

Jude pulled Ozzie behind her, showing him every part of the studio she could think of, telling him memories that went along with things, as long as they weren't Tommy related, and there only seemed to be a few of those. It was so easy for her to forget where she was with him by her side. He was her life in London, she had spent more time with him, than any other person since she left Canada. But in trying to avoid Tommy memories, she knew that she was only hiding the truth from herself.

"This was where it all started." Jude smiled, looking around.

"Bowzmen is a few steps up, that certain." He said nodding at her.

"The space, I have to show you my rehearsal space." Jude smiled at him, but when she saw Tommy standing in the door way to studio A, her mouth fell to a line. Could she take him there, to the place that she shared with Tommy, where Tommy was living now? "But we'll have to meet Speid and the guys first, and Jamie, I have to take you to NBR."

"Jude." Tommy called her name from the door way. He looked annoyed, angry, he looked like he use to always look, the King of Ice.

Jude glance over Ozzie's shoulder at him, unsure of what he wanted. But she saw when he pointed into the booth, Mason was waiting for them. "Right." She sighed, letting go of Ozzie's hands. "We've only got a few more hours with Mason before he has to head back out on tour, and I promised him dinner tonight, to catch up."

"I understand." Ozzie said quickly, making her stop in the middle of her excuses. "I'll go explore the city, you call me when you're done with dinner."

"You're the best." Jude said hugging him before hurrying back towards the studio. Before she made it, she turned around and blew him a kiss, only to meet a less than happy Tommy inside the studio door. "Sorry," she told him, learning towards the mic, "Sorry Mason. You've got my full attention now, let's get this down."

"No problem." Mason smiled back at her.

Jude could feel the tension in the room, and she knew what it was from. There were only a few times that she felt like there was an elephant in the room with her and Tommy, and this was one of those moments. She looked over at him, as Mason started. Everything about his face seemed hard. His eyebrows pulled together, his shoulders scrunched up tight, and she could tell her was biting down hard on his gum.

"I didn't know he was coming, I've hardly spoke to him since I left London." Jude whispered, worried about the rage displayed on his face.

"It doesn't matter, let's just get the song done." Tommy said not looking at her.

Jude heart gave a tug, she wanted to reach over and tell him to breath, relax. She wanted to push his eyebrows back to their normal resting spot, but she knew she couldn't. If Ozzie hadn't come into the room when he did, she knew that they would have kissed, she could feel it in the air, and see it in Tommy's half closed eyes. But he had shown up, and that changed things, that put them back into reality, and not in the pretend life of G Major.

"The was a good take Mason, try it again." Jude nodded, looking back towards Mason.

She wanted to be able to fix it, fix the way Tommy was feeling, but she knew she couldn't. She herself wasn't even sure if she understood what she was feeling. She was happy to see Ozzie, to feel like she had a real part of her London life with her, but she knew that it wouldn't fit into her life here, it would change everything, and that scared her.


	17. Chapter 17

Jude, Ozzie, and Jamie sat behind the sound board at NBR. Jude was so excited to introduce to two, to have them finally meet. Ozzie had heard her go on and on about Jamie, but Jamie knew nothing about their relationship. It wasn't that Jude was trying to keep it from him, she had just never been able to put it into words. She was never introduced as his girlfriend, and she never introduced him as her boyfriend, it was that unspoken thing between them.

"She's an amazing producer, have you heard what she did with her song for the album, the one Karma is singing?" Jamie asked, he had been praising all the good things about Jude.

"No, I haven't heard it yet; we haven't talked much since she left." Ozzie told him. "I've just read about the things she's been up to."

"Yeah, I'm excited to see what her song with Tommy will sound like, they are magical behind a sound board." Jamie smiled at his friend. Jude knew that he was trying to reassure her about working with Tommy again, but right now wasn't the time.

"I think I'll go see if Nana has anymore cookies." Jude said picking up the empty plate. She didn't want to hear anymore about Tommy, and she knew if she left, Jamie would get the hint.

"It's okay, I've got them." Zeppelin said coming down the stairs. "Sorry, band issues up stairs, Kwest is dealing with it."

"I'm not a fan of Tom Quincy." Ozzie said, continuing in the same direction, the direction Jude wanted to avoid. She could tell that Jamie wasn't picking up on any of her facial expression, and she was just going to have to ride it out.

"I use to hate him, and I mean really hated him." Jamie laughed. "But he's a great producer, I look at the things he's done for Jude and I know she was lucky to have him on her first three albums."

"Four." Jude corrected.

"Well, I'd still rather that she wasn't working with him, even if it is for a few weeks." He said grabbing Jude's hand, but Jude pulled away.

"We are co-producers, really good ones at that." Jude told him.

"Doesn't change the fact that I don't like the guy." Ozzie told her. "I'm sorry if I find it hard to be in London, knowing that you're here, with him."

"Don't, don't go there." Jude whispered, glaring at him. "Tommy and I work together."

"And what I think doesn't matter?" Ozzie asked.

Both Jude and Ozzie turned to look at Zeppelin when she started to laugh.

"Sorry, I laugh in uncomfortable situations." She said quickly.

"No, I'm sorry." Jude said standing up. "I've got to get some sleep, I'm finishing Mason's song tomorrow, before I help my co-producer on May's song." With that Jude headed towards the stairs, pausing at the stop to hear Jamie's voice.

"Jude's sister once gave me this warning, and even if it's been five years, I think it still applies." Jamie's voice was full of sympathy, and that was when it hit Jude, when she was finally able to understand her own feelings. "Don't get in between Jude and Tommy. They choose each other every time."

"Thanks for the warning." She heard Ozzie say before she could hear his footsteps behind her.

Jude didn't know what she was going to tell him, what he was going to tell her. She quickly headed for the back door, squeezing between the bushes and into the garage, she knew that she just needed time, she needed time to process what was going through her head, what Jamie's voice had meant to her. She held her phone tight in her hand, fighting the urge to call him, to ask him to come to her rescue. She would give anything to be somewhere else, anywhere but there. But she knew if she did that, she would only be making him her crutch again, falling right back to where she was when she was 18. She was an adult now, she needed to be able to face all her problems alone.


	18. Chapter 18

"You love him." Ozzie whispered, she could feel the pain in his voice.

"I did, at one point." Jude agreed with that statement. She had loved Tommy, she had loved him enough to say yes when he asked her to marry him. But she hadn't loved him enough to stay.

"Are you going to be able to leave?" he looked up at her for the first time since they sat down in the living room. She could see the tears swimming in his eyes, waiting for the final blow, the last words.

"I tried to tell you, I tried to make you see that I didn't want to come back here." Jude looked at him with pleading eyes. She needed him to understand, she needed him to see this from where she sat. It wasn't easy, it wasn't easy to give him answers that she didn't have. "Coming here, being back here, it brings up everything that I left unfinished, everything that I had just walked away from."

"Are you going to be able to leave?" he asked again. Jude could tell that he had already switched on his selective listening ears, it was the one thing that always lead to their fights, and their fights were where most of their passion was.

"Yes." Jude said simply, even if she wasn't sure it was the whole truth, but she knew it was what he wanted to hear, what he was going to hear no matter what she said.

"And him?" he asked, looking back down at his hands.

"We are co-producing an album." Jude wished that he would look at her, so she would know if he was really listening to her. "We're like Dylan and Luke, we work together."

"Can you honestly tell me you have no feelings for him?" he asked, this time looking right at her, the anger was starting to overtake the sadness, and it made Jude wish she had called to be rescued.

"I need you to understand, and I need you to listen to me." Jude said slowly, trying to think about the words before she spoke them. "Tommy and I, when we were together it was intense, and when we were apart it was heart breaking. I made the decision to leave him here, I picked London, and I left and didn't stop to look back until you asked me too."

"Don't tell me it's my fault your friends are warning me not to make you choose." He snapped, and she saw the full anger.

"I'm not trying to say anything is your fault, I asked you to listen, but you can't even do that, you can never listen to what I have to say. You always think that you know what's best for me, you act more like a brother half the time, than a boyfriend. 'Jude do this, don't do that, wear this, don't wear that, say this, don't say that.'" She tried to use a male British accent, to make fun of him, to hurt him. "I left Tommy because I didn't want a crutch, I didn't want to become dependent on anyone but myself." She stood up throwing in her arms in the air. "Gosh, why can't you see that, why can't you just get it? I didn't want to come back here, I didn't want to deal with Tommy, or any of this, because I knew, I knew what would happen."

"If you care so much about your precious boy bander, then fine. I'll just go back to London, and leave you to him." He shouted at her.

"See you don't even listen, you have no idea what I just tried to tell you." Jude sighed rolling her eyes. "Leave, because it's all you're ever good for, cause you certainly can't listen."

"Maybe I'd listen if you'd actually say something." He shouted back at her.

That was all it took, and the two started to scream at each other, bringing up things, issue that they had fought over in the past. They were too busy shouting to notice Sadie and Kwest watching them, shaking their heads at the two, as though they were parents watching siblings fight over the remote.

"All you do is work, work, that's all that matters to you. You never even try to see what's important to me." Ozzie told her.

"Oh, I'm sorry I'm a rock star, and tour, promoting, and singing are all a part of my job. I should have made more time to take care of your needs, support you through everything." Jude shot back at him. She hadn't wanted to start a fight, but she knew once they did start there was no walking away, not until it was done, but she wasn't seeing an end to this one, neither of them wanted to give in.

"This is only bound to get worse." Kwest shouted over the yelling. "I'll grab Jude."

Jude watched still angry, as Kwest pulled her out of the living room and through the front door of the house. She felt like she should be kicking, and trying to throw punches at Ozzie, as if she needed Kwest to hold her back. But their fights were only verbal.

"You need to breath." Jude heard Sadie say before Kwest closed the door.

"Well, that's a great way to end the day." Kwest chuckled, sitting on the front step, waiting for Jude to sit next to him.

"He just shows up, and expects me to drop everything." Jude shouted, still mad. She could feel her blood pumping through her veins, and she could feel the heat from her face. It all made her head hurt to be this angry. She could see Ozzie through the window, his back was to her, but as she watched him she could feel her pulse return to normal, and slowly sat down next to Kwest. "That wasn't how I wanted that conversation to go." She admitted.

"No one ever wants to fight." Kwest nodded at her.

"He just doesn't get it, he doesn't understand." Jude sighed.

"Harrison, no one understands you." Kwest reminded her.

Jude looked down at her hands, her elbows resting on her knees, before turning and looking at Kwest sideways. "No one but Tommy." She whispered. She knew that Kwest would be able to see it in her eyes, the pain and confusion, all the emotions she was having a hard time dealing with.

"Jude." Kwest sighed, it was a sound she had heard so many times before, a mixture of disappointment and pity. She turned back away from him, and watched her feet. It was safe there, he wouldn't be able to read anymore from her face.

"I really can't help it. I didn't come back here with any intentions of still having feeling towards him. I had convinced myself I was done, we were done when I left." She rambled. She wanted to try and justify everything, she wanted it to be okay, she wanted to believe it was just a flame she would be able to put out. "I didn't expect to come home, and have everything feel so, so right."

"Maybe you need more than just a break from your label, maybe you need a break everything." Kwest said after a long moment of silence. "You need to get your head on straight, and yelling at him, that isn't going to do it."

"Why is it that you can listen, and understand, but when I try to tell him this, we need up yelling at each other?" Jude sighed resting her head on Kwest's shoulder. She was happy to have him as a part of her family, within her trusted circle of friends, and as the support she had once tried to desperately to get away from.

"Not all guys are as smooth as me." Kwest laughed.

"Why can't I, just for once, have a normal break up?" Jude sighed before standing back up.

"Cause then it wouldn't be a break up." Kwest smiled as she walked back into the house.

She knew the only way to handle the situation was to treat it like a band aid, as much as it hurt, she just had to rip it off, quickly and direct. She needed to say the words, clearly, and point blank. When she tried to explain things, that was what lead to their fights, their misunderstandings, and lack of listening. As she stood looking at him, she could feel the tears in her eyes. She didn't want to do this, but she knew it was the only thing she could do, it was the right thing to do.


	19. Chapter 19

"You want some ice-cream?" Sadie asked, rubbing Jude's back. "I'm sure we have coffee flavored."

Jude wasn't sure how long she had been laying in her sisters lap, she could see the sun starting to rise out the window. Her face felt heavy, her eyes were more tired from the crying than not sleeping. She knew that she hurt, but at the same time there was a strange sense of relief inside her, and that only made her feel worse. She brushed a few stray tears away as she sat up and faced her sister. She needed to hear Sadie tell her she had done the right thing, she needed someone to tell her that she was going to be okay, that her life, that London was still going to be the same when she returned.

"Jude." Sadie whispered, pulling her into a hug. "It's okay."

Jude wanted to believe her words, she needed to believe them, but there was still a part of her that wasn't sure. "I need to shower." She whispered, scared that her voice wouldn't be strong enough.

"I'll call Darius, you don't need to go in today, you need to go to bed." Sadie said as the two girls stood.

"No." Jude shook her head. "May is recording today, I need to be there."

"Jude." Sadie pleaded with her.

Jude tried to smile at her sister, she could see how concerned she was, and that only pulled her heart in the direction she didn't want it to go. But she knew that she had to go into G Major, she had to be there because the only thing she felt she truly understood was her music, and she didn't want to be without it. "It's my song, I need to be there." She whispered before heading for the stairs.

As she sat on her bed, looking at the pictures that hung on her walls, she reached for her phone. It was a Saturday and she doubted that Marcie would be up yet, but she was the one voice that Jude wanted to hear, or at least thought she wanted to hear. But while she listened to the ring, she quickly hit end, and turned off her ringer. Maybe she didn't want to hear anyone's voice, she wasn't sure if she wanted to hear anything. She looked back at her phone as Marcie's picture appeared. She could answer it, cry her eyes out, sobbing about what had happened, sharing it with her friend, but she doubted it would make anything better, that it would change anything or the way she felt. She ignored the call, and headed for the shower, she just wanted to wash everything away.

Jude sat behind the soundboard. No one else was in yet, and she was happy to have the time alone, to think. She sipped on the coffee Sadie had brought her, and listened to her version of My Sweet Time. She had heard May say she wanted the song to have a more pop vibe, but it wasn't her job to produce the song, she just wanted to be there, to hear her words. It was hard for her to think about this girl doing one of her songs, but she would rather think that that, than Ozzie. Their last tearful kiss ripped through her mind, pulling the tears up again. She shook them away quickly, swallowing it all back down, reminding herself that this was what she wanted, what she needed.

"You're early." Tommy commented coming into the room, not even glancing down at her.

"I came in with Sadie." Jude's voice was soft, she wasn't sure if he could hear the shakiness in her voice.

"Didn't think you'd show today." Tommy still didn't look at her.

"It's my song, I want to hear it." Jude sighed, turning away from him. She didn't want to look at him. She didn't want to have him fill her head again, she needed to clear her mind of him.

"May isn't coming until this afternoon, so you'll have to wait." Tommy was annoyed with her, and she could tell.

"Then I'll wait." Jude watched as a tear escaped and landed in her coffee. She watched the ripples go all the way to the rim behind setting the cup on the sound board.

"Don't put there on there, with your luck, you'd spill it." Tommy glanced at the cup, but when he didn't get a response he looked at her, finally seeing what she had wanted to hide from him. "You look like crap Harrison."

"No thanks to you." Jude muttered, just staring at the cup. She didn't want to be mad at Tommy for what had happened, but she couldn't help it, he was the closest person she could direct her anger at, and she could finally feel the anger building. She was angry at Ozzie for coming without warning, she was mad at Tommy for making her feel like that 18 year old girl, and she was mostly mad at herself for even coming back, for allowing her feelings to get the better of her.

"Shouldn't you be blaming your boyfriend?" he asked, looking away again.

Jude turned to face him, and she knew that she was drawling from all her heartbreak, the pain she felt now, and the pain Tommy had caused her in the past. "He left."

"Why?" Tommy asked, finally sitting down to look at her.

Jude could see the worry in his eyes as he looked at her, the concern that she had heard in Sadie's voice before was now displayed on Tommy's face.

"You know why." Jude whispered, she wasn't able to look away from him. Sitting there, feeling his eyes on her face, she felt like everything she had done was right, he was the reassurance that she had needed, what she knew she couldn't get from Marcie, and what she hadn't gotten from Sadie.

It was a bitter sweet moment of silence that neither of them wanted to end, their eyes searching each others. Jude could picture them reaching for each other, and embracing in a way that hadn't yet, in a real hug, holding each other close, but that was all she could do, was picture it. She couldn't reach out for him, no more than he could to her. She could feel the tears in her eyes well up. She didn't feel like crying as she looked at him, she didn't feel like she had to justify it anymore, it was already done.

"Jude." Sadie broke their moment, her tone still had an edge of worry to it. "Jamie is here."

Jude turned around in the chair and nodded at her sister. "Thanks." She smiled, reaching for the coffee mug, watching through the glass door as Jamie made his way into the studio.

"This place doesn't change." He laughed pointing behind him with a free hand, and a cup holder in the other. "Kwest told me, I thought you might need coffee, but I couldn't remember what you were drinking now days, so I got four different ones." He nodded to the coffees, setting them down on the table just inside the door.

Jude stood up and hugged her friend. "Thanks."

"I'm really sorry Jude, I hope it wasn't because of anything I said." Jude could tell that Jamie felt guilty.

"No, Jamie, no. It's been coming for awhile, before he even told me to leave." Jude shrugged her shoulders, switching her coffee mug, for one of the cups Jamie had brought. She glanced back at Tommy, who had his headphones on. "What you told him, the warning, it just made us both see the truth." She nodded at him.

Jamie nodded his head, his eyes going between Tommy and Jude. "I see. Why don't we go grab some breakfast, and talk it through." He said putting his arm around her shoulder. "You don't need her do you Quincy?"

"Nope, but thanks for the coffee Andrews." Tommy said not glancing up at either of them, he was fiddling with the soundboard, moving knobs.

As the two friends walk out of the studio Jamie sighed, his arm still around Jude. "It's never a dull moment with you back in town Harrison, never."

"That's the price of being a rock star." Jude nudged him with her hip. She knew that as the day progressed she could feel better, she knew that after thinking things out with Jamie, things would seem way better, she would be able to better understand. Maybe she hadn't screwed up everything, but only come to another fork in the road.


	20. Chapter 20

Jude sat next to Sadie at the dining room table, watching as Kwest cleared all the dishes. She had watched as Kwest did almost everything around the house, tending to the needs of both sisters, and Jude knew that was one of the many factors that lead to their break up so many years ago. Sadie had told her that she needed someone that would challenge her, fight her, not charter to her every whim, but Jude wasn't sure if she had seen Kwest challenge her once in the three weeks she had been there, then again, this was the first time the three of them had been in the house, and awake all at the same time.

"How are you feeling?" Saide asked, "Did you sleep any?"

Jude played with the cloth napkin, her finger tracing the small flower print. "I just, I don't understand Sades." She tossed the napkin on the table. "In London, things were great, we were great." She knew it was a lie, her relationship with Ozzie had never been great. "But I come back here, and everything, all of it fits so well."

Sadie nodded her head, and Jude could see the mother coming out in her sister. "This is your home Jude, you're life here, it's always going to fit you because it's a part of you."

"And Tommy?" Jude wondered. Was he always bound to be a part of her life? Was she always going to feel like things with them were normal?

"When you were sixteen, dad told me that I needed to be very careful interfering with your relationship with Tommy because he was your producer, and that made the relationship special, different. The way he talked about, it seemed like it was this fragile vase." Sadie explained. "The two of you grew into each other, he helped you grow as an artist, and you helped him grow into an adult. The relationship between the two of you, it's always going to be different, and not just because he was the first guy you ever loved."

Jude felt pathetic listening to her sister. The first guy she ever loved? Tommy had been the only guy she had ever loved, aside from Jamie and SME. She knew that she couldn't say she loved Ozzie, she had wanted to love him, but in the year they were together, it wasn't love.

"If it's too much being here, maybe you should go and visit dad?" Sadie offered. When their father had finished his journey to self discovery he had moved back to Canada, but settled in Vancouver.

"Run away, again?" Jude asked. That was what she had done the first time, when she left for London. She hadn't offered explanations to anyone, she just left. "I think I'll pass. Plus I can't leave SME, not yet, we've got a jam session later this week."

"He would love to see you, and you'd be able to clear all this Tommy nonsense out of your head." Jude could tell that Sadie was pushing for this idea.

"Speid and Karma offered me their guest room, if you'd rather I stay there." Jude said looking at her sister, unsure of why she was pushing her to visit their father.

"No!" Sadie said quickly, too quickly for Jude. "You know I love having you hear, this is our home, always."

Jude made herself smile as she watched Kwest come back in, taking another load of dishes in the kitchen to wash. As she looked between to two, she wondered what silent argument she had missed. It had been uncomfortable in the house, because she knew that they were still like newlyweds, and weren't use to sharing the area with her, or anyone else.

She sighed as she watched her sister leave her sitting there alone. Jude knew she was stepping on toes, and the only way she could keep her focus was to stay out of everyone else's way.


	21. Chapter 21

Jude listened to the song, the words were hers, the chords were the same, she wasn't sure if anything about the song was different except for the person singing it. She had figured that May would want to change something, she had heard her say she wanted to change it, to make it more of her own, but it sounded like it always had; it sounded the way it had in her head when she wrote it. She could feel Tommy's eyes reading every flicker of emotion that crossed her face, and she knew that May was oblivious to her sitting here, she was softly singing along. As the song ended she pressed her lips together and sat up straighter on the couch, trying to avoid making eye contact with Tommy.

"Isn't it great?" May laughed, clapping her hands together. "I mean I think White Lines would have fit be better, but this one, it grew on me."

"Yeah." Jude said nodding her head. "It sounds-" she knew she had to choice her words carefully, keeping her tone neutral. "It sounds the same."

"How about an honest opinion?" Tommy said, leaning forward, his eyes focused on nothing but Jude's face.

Jude knew he was trying to see what she really thought, she had watched him work for ten hours on mixing the song, refusing to let her listen to it until he was done. It had been a long ten hours for her, as she watched from the chair next to him. She had told him some of her tour stories, parts of her London life, answering his questions, knowing that he just wanted her distracted enough to let him work. "It's good, it all sounds good."

"I know, he's got magical fingers." May said reaching for his hand.

Jude glanced down at their hands, while May intertwined their fingers. Could she give a real opinion when her heart was more involved than it should have been? She tried to make it seem as though she was only looking at her shoes, and not their hands.

"Good?" Tommy asked, still watching her.

Jude looked back up, swallowing back the emotions, the anger, and sadness, pressing her lips into a smile and nodded. "Yeah." She clapped her hands together and reached for her bag. "I promised Lou I'd let him go home early tonight," she nodded towards the door, at the man who was watching them through the glass.

"Thanks Jude, I'm really glad you love the song." May smiled as she passed her and Tommy.

"Umm-yeah, it's good." Jude said looking back at the girl slightly confused. She wasn't sure she could see how the word good had been turned into love, but she didn't want to press the matter. She didn't want to watch them together anymore. After her talk with Jamie the day before, she knew what she needed to do. She needed to keep her emotions in order, and her mind on getting back to London, back into the studio. Jamie had suggested that she put all her feelings into her music, it was the way she wrote some of her best songs, and Jude knew he was right. She needed to writer herself through this, and she was surprised at how quickly everything came out on pen and paper. It was easier for her to be there, to see him, knowing that this was her closure. She had needed this for herself, and she had needed to do this without Ozzie, Marcie had made her see that.

She nodded at Lou, and started to follow him towards the main entrance.

"Jude." Tommy said grabbing her arm and stopping her, turning her back around to face him.

Jude looked at him, trying her best to hold back her surprise, but she knew he could read it.

"Good?" he asked again, still searching for more than that.

"Yeah, it's good." Jude smiled at him. "Good days work Quincy, I'll see you tomorrow." She said before turning on her heel and leaving quickly, catching up to Lou.

When she had left for London five years ago, she hadn't tried to explain things to Tommy, she didn't know how to explain it any farther than she did in her concert. She always knew that he deserved better than that, than a public announcement, but at the time, she wasn't able to give him a private one. And even now, she doubted that she would be able to talk about it, talk about how much it hurt her to do that to him. But she could prepare herself to say goodbye to him this time, properly, and as friends, or producers at least.


	22. Chapter 22

Jude had gone into the recording booth to change out the microphone, preparing for the day. She doubted that she would see Milo before the afternoon, but she was running out of things to do to keep herself busy. But that didn't take her long, and she could feel the tingle in her fingers, the need to pick up and play, something, anything.

She reached for the guitar, and sat on the stool, she strummed it the guitar at first, mindlessly. But the chords changed, and she knew the words that fit along with it, an unfinished songs. She couldn't help but sing along as she played, allowing her emotions, and thoughts to take over.

_So many things I know I need to tell you_

_But everything is gonna be alright_

_The pain you feel right now is hard to get through_

_But we'll be stronger on the other side_

_You know its true just look behind these eyes_

_And I, I want you to know_

_It can't wait for tomorrow_

_You're a star, that's what you are_

_I'll never let you go_

_I want you to see you're more than everything_

_My heart and soul, you make me whole_

_You're everything to me. *_

Her eyes shot open, and her hand grabbed the neck of the guitar tightly when she heard the click at the door. She hadn't meant to let anyone hear her, she didn't want these songs to be heard. She had sworn not to write anymore songs about Tommy, and even though she still wrote them, she didn't want anyone other than SME to hear them.

When she jerked her head around, she saw his back, walking away from the door that had just closed. She could feel her whole body stiffen in fear, as she watched him walking away. She knew that he heard her, heard her song. And she could feel the lump on panic in her throat.

"Stop it Jude." She whispered to herself. "You don't know if he heard, you don't know." She muttered putting the guitar back in its rightful place. She watched him through the glass, pouring another cup of coffee. How much coffee did they go through at G Major?

She approached him slowly, unsure of how he was going to react. "Quincy." She said softly, watching as he looked from his cup to her, then back down. But in the split second she could see the anger in his eyes, confirming that he had heard her.

"Milo's not here yet?" Tommy asked, his eyes fixed on the mug in his hands.

Jude shook her head. "No, Sadie said he doesn't normally come in until after lunch." She wanted to run, every part of her was screaming run. "They finished Mason's song, I thought we should hear it before giving it to Darius, make sure everything's right."

"Yeah, sure." Tommy said before pushing himself off the counter and walking back towards the studio.

Jude watched helplessly as he walked away from her. She crossed her arms and leaned on the counter, trying to think of what to say to him, of how to explain it, to explain the song. She watched him through the open door as he talked to one of the engineers they had been working with. Something about him, the way he conducted himself at work, it was so easy for her to watch, he had always been easy for her to watch. But she was drawn out of her thoughts when she heard May clear her throat.

"He's really stressed out today, so try not to step on his toes." May sighed, leaning next to Jude, smiling at Tommy.

"Excuse me?" Jude asked turning to look at the girl.

"Tommy, he's really stressed." May looked over at her. "Things are just starting to get to him, and it's hard, you know, to see him like this. He won't let me do anything to help."

"What things?" Jude asked, standing up straight, watching as the girl went to work on making a cup of tea.

"Oh come on Jude, do you really think you being here is easy on him?" May asked. "Plus to add the stress of home and everything, I'm surprised he hasn't split yet."

Jude listened at the girl spoke, talking about things that Jude had thought she was the only to know about. It was so hard for Tommy to open up to people, to show them the real him, the DuTois part. She had wanted to believe that she would be the only girl to ever know that side of him. But she knew that the list would continue, and her name would be just that, another name.

"Right." Jude nodded slowly, before heading back towards the studio.

*Bowling For Soup

Jude spent her lunch break waiting for Milo to show up. Tommy had left, still without saying much to her, and it bothered her to know that she was causing stress in his life. She didn't want to cause any more pain than she already had. But she knew, with how much she had been thinking about him that morning, she needed to write it out. She stared down at the page, the song she had sung that morning was stuck in her head, and she knew it would be until she finished it.

_Don't you know I could never hurt you_

_And sometimes we just can't see eye to eye_

_These days all we seem to do is argue_

_I wonder when the love got left behind_

_Forget that, let's start over tonight. *_

She sang it, slowly to herself, tapping her pen on the notebook, wishing the song would finish itself.

"It's good." He said from behind her, and she felt the same panic in her throat she had earlier when she saw him walking away. She never remembered him being so quiet.

She swallowed hard, feeling the blood rush to her cheeks. She wanted to cry from embarrassment.

"I thought you were taking a break from writing." His voice was monotone as he sat in the chair next to her.

"I am." Jude whispered, looking anywhere but at him. "It's not for the studio, it's just stuff, my stuff."

"It's good though, really good." He nodded. "He'll love it." Jude could hear the anger seething into his voice, the hate.

"Who?" she asked suddenly looking up at him. She had seen that look, the look he had when she told him she had written a song for Shay.

"That British kid, he'll regret letting you go." Tommy said glancing over at her quickly, before looking back at the soundboard.

Jude suddenly felt stupid. She had been so worried that it would upset him that he was writing back him, about them, that's what she thought he was made about this morning. And now, she could see it written all over his face, he was made because he thought she was writing about Ozzie. She couldn't help but sigh a laugh, leaning back in the chair. But as she watched the confusion sweep over his face, she still felt the sense of panic she had before. "It's not about Ozzie." She wasn't sure if she could tell him. She knew it would be easy, to just say 'It's about you Tom Quincy,' but she knew that in five weeks she would be leaving for London, leaving him again.

"What?" Tommy asked.

Jude shook her head, "I didn't write it about him." She closed her notebook and gave him a small smile. "Sometimes I wonder where you come up with these things." She told him before getting up and going to sit on the couch. She watched his face from a safer distance, as her words sunk in, and what they meant. She could see the anger slowly being replaced with a small smile, one that showed her song only stroked his ego.

"You going to let me hear the whole song?" he asked, his head tilted to one side and his voice was soft.

"Not in this lifetime." Jude smiled back at him, holding the notebook close to her chest, she knew that if she was ever ready for someone to hear it, he would be the only one she would want to hear them.

"That's a good thing, it's probably crap anyways." He joked.

Jude threw a pillow at him, which he in return caught. "My songs aren't crap."

"Hey, I just call them as I see them." he put his hands up in defense, laughing.

"You haven't seen them." Jude laughed back at him. She wondered how the air between them could be so bipolar. When he had first walked in, and even this morning, he had been cold, angry with her, with everyone. But now, the two of them sat there looking at each other, laughing. She tilted her head down, and looked up at him again, knowing it was a look she had given him a hundred times before. But that was just the way things were always going to be between them, she could feel it, and she understood it now.

*Bowling for Soup Everything To Me


	23. Chapter 23

The weeks in Toronto seemed to pass quickly for Jude. She spent her day behind a soundboard, and her nights in the rehearsal space with SME and Tommy. It was easy to fall into the pattern of playing songs with them, watching them play video games, eating it. It was the life she had lived in Tornto, the life she had greatly missed. Things with her and Tommy seemed to be back to a normal level. There were still moments where they would look at each other, and Jude could feel her heart beat faster, but she knew she needed to control it.

"What is this?" May yelled, slapping the latest tabloid magazine down in front of a laughing Tommy and Jude, making both of them jump a little are the fire in her voice.

"What?" Tommy asked picked up the paper, studying the picture before handing it to Jude.

Jude only glanced at the picture, she had heard hours ago what was going to be printed. "My hair doesn't look that bad." She joked remembered the comment that Tommy had made the night before as they entered the loft.

"Harrison, you look like you have bed head at ten o'clock at night." Tommy joked.

Jude's hand quickly went to the top of her head, making her it was smoothed down before turning to address May. The girl looked furious, hurt, but mostly like she wanted to reach over and strangle Jude. It was a look that Jude knew well, one that she knew she had worn many times before. "Lesson number one in Rock Star Music World." Jude said handing her back the paper. "A picture isn't worth a thousand words, unless it's a thousand words from the person in the picture."

"Excuse me?" May asked, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Tabloids, magazines, even your 'friends', will at times try to do anything for a couple bucks." Tommy explained.

"Number two, always, and I mean always look at the whole picture before handing it to the person." Jude smiled. "I was there, I don't need to see it."

"That would be half of Speidreman's body, and Wally's head." Tommy pointed to the side of the picture.

Jude could see the annoyance growing on her face, the girls eyebrows seemed to pull together. "I think you understand what I'm saying."

"What we're saying is, after getting some mango chicken, we all went back to Jude's loft, and SME and her played a few songs." Tommy said turning back to the soundboard.

"You said you were busy last night." May looked hurt.

"I was." Tommy shot her an annoyed looked over his shoulder. "The album is almost done, once everything is wrapped up, I'm outta here. I've got stuff lined up in Seattle."

Jude looked down at the album print out. Darius wanted it on his desk tomorrow morning, and hearing Tommy's words made her mouth twitch into a frown. She didn't want to think about him leaving, moving on, when she wasn't even sure if she was going to be able to do that in four weeks herself.

"Tom." The girl whined.

"I'm busy working." Tommy said sliding his head phones up and over his ears. Jude knew that nothing was playing in them, because she herself had turned the sound off. The both flinched slightly as the door slammed shut behind them.

"I bet Darius is going to be thrilled when her third album is done and she isn't under contract anymore." Tommy sighed.

Jude couldn't look at him, she knew that she couldn't control the sadness that had crept onto her face when Tommy talked about leaving soon. She didn't want him to see it, she didn't want to think that he would leave.

"You've stuck with her this long, there must be something good about her." Jude said, acting as though she was looking over at the paper again, her pen gliding over the lines she had already drawn.

"Uh, yeah, she can sing, that's about it." Tommy sighed. "You know, when she won, everyone called her Eden."

"Eden?" Jude asked, looking up from the paper, it was a name she hadn't heard in names, a person she hadn't thought about since she was sixteen. Eden had quickly burned out of her pop stardom, and Jude had never cared to find out what had happened to her.

"Yeah, she sang on her Eden's songs." Tommy nodded. Jude could see the softness in his eyes as he talked about her, the fragile way his voice said her name. "May has a great voice."

Jude didn't even try to fake a smile, she just looked away from him, turning her whole body to face towards the door, acting as though she was only watching out the windows as the rest of the label went about its day. "You two seem good together." She said softly.

"What?" she could hear the confusion in his tone.

"You and May, she really cares about you, and I can tell you care about her, the way you talk about her." Jude sighed, turning and looking back at him. She could be emotionless. She could talk about this. She watched as Tommy started to smile, slowly at first, but when he started to laugh.

"You're being serious." He said after a moment.

"I don't see why I would joke about it." She rolled her eyes.

"Jude, seriously?" he said looking at her. "May and I?"

Jude didn't say anything, she wasn't sure if she could pretend to just sit there, keeping her cool.

"There had never been anything between May and myself. She was the last Instant Star album I produced her." Tommy told her.

Jude thought about what he was telling her, she had never seen him seek her out, she had never seen him call her, in fact she had seen him ignore her phone calls more often than not. She suddenly felt stupid, childish.

"She's not you Harrison." He whispered, his voice sounded sad.

She could feel her throat tighten up and she watched him, his eye focused on the track list, she could see the tint of red in his cheeks. She knew it would be easy to reach over and take his hand, tell him not to be embarrassed, that she felt the same. But she couldn't, and she had a list of reasons why in her head.

"We really did to pick the final lay out for the songs, Karma really wants to be number one." Tommy said after a long moment of silence.

Jude glanced back down at the list, the ten titles were printed on the page, and two of the songs jumped out as Jude's. But the only part of her that she even saw were the lyrics, she sighed and looked up again, watching as Darius signed papers.

"When are we sending out for copies?" Jude asked over her shoulder. She knew what she wanted to do, what she needed to do to make it feel complete, like it was the end of Instant Star.

"Tomorrow morning, this is why we need to finalize everything." She could hear the concern in Tommy's voice, just earlier she had told him that, reminding him they needed to get it done.

"I need to talk to D." Jude said reaching for her notebook and heading straight for the door. She wasn't sure if this was a bright idea, but it seemed like the only thing she could do, the only way she could say what she needed to, the only way she could try and keep him from leaving her.


	24. Chapter 24

"No." Darius said not looking up from his phone. "The album is done as soon as the songs are in order."

"D, trust me, its missing something, I know you feel it." Jude pleaded with him. "And I already have it done, SME can lay down their parts now and I'll get the lyrics down before you even leave."

She could see him glance up slightly, and she knew that he was smiling, this was what he had wanted, he would have taken her only producing, but having her sing, that was even better, that was what he wanted.

"I swear it's going to be amazing, and I'll handle all the London stuff, you'll have nothing to worry about." Jude smiled.

"Good, now get Tommy on board." He said before turning towards his office.

"Tommy?" Jude could feel her stomach hit the ground, she wanted to do this, but she wanted to do it alone.

"In order to get it done by the AM, you'll need him, and I need that album on my desk first thing." Darius said closing his door.

Jude sighed. She needed this, she wanted this, but she hadn't picture Tommy hearing it until the album's came in. But it was too late to back out, she couldn't back out when she herself asked. There was nothing else that she could do but smile and nod.

"What was that all about?" Tommy asked Jude came back into the room.

Jude sat down slowly, trying to foresee the many reactions Tommy could have, the anger that would flash across his face, the look of annoyance, the eye roll, or the most famous, the icy heart. She could already hear Speid calling him Lord Squinty Frown.

"Earth to Jude." Tommy waved his hand in front of her.

"I've got a song, for the album." She felt like her words were choppy, as if she had missed words, pausing in the wrong spots.

"And you decided that we're going to do it now, when its due tomorrow?" she could hear the laughter in his voice.

"I'm the only one not on there." She shrugged her shoulders, in her head it made sense, but when she said it out loud she knew it made her sound selfish, greedy.

"Okay, one of the songs from last night?" he asked.

Jude looked at him surprised, she was sure that he was going to fight it more, but he was agreeing, willingly. "Uh-no. This one's new, no one's heard it yet."

"Well lets get the guys in here and get started." He said before pushing himself up.

Jude watched as he left, is his phone already at his ear. She could feel the butterflies in her stomach while she watched him. He understood her, she didn't need to explain things to him, he always understood what she meant. It made the song in her head seem even more fitting.


	25. Chapter 25

Jude sat in front of the microphone, her back was slightly turned away from Tommy on the other side of the glass. She wasn't sure if she could sing the lyrics in front of him. When SME arrived she asked Tommy for two hours with them and no one else. She wanted to work through the song before he was able to judge her. She wanted to see their faces first while she sang the words, to confirm that she could do this.

"_Set Me Free_, take one." Tommy said signaling for them to start.

It started fast, she could hear Kyle's sticks, and the simple strum and the words came, just as easy as they had been written. She had never found it hard to write about Tommy, and she had always thought it was because she knew him so well, she knew what they were.

_Can't you see?  
>There's a feeling that's come over me<br>Close my eyes  
>You're the only one that leaves me completely breathless<em>

_No need to wonder why  
>Sometimes a gift like this you can't deny<em>

_'Cause I wanted to fly,  
>so you gave me your wings<br>And time held its breath so I could see, yeah  
>And you set me free<em>

_There's a will  
>There's a way<br>Sometimes words just can't explain  
>This is real<br>I'm afraid  
>I guess this time there's just no hiding, fighting<br>You make me restless_

_You're in my heart  
>The only light that shines<br>there in the dark_

_'Cause I wanted to fly,  
>so you gave me your wings<br>And time held its breath so I could see, yeah  
>And you set me free<em>

_When I was alone  
>You came around<br>When I was down  
>You pulled me through<br>And there's nothing that  
>I wouldn't do for you<em>

_'Cause I wanted to fly,  
>so you gave me your wings<br>And time held its breath so I could see, yeah  
>And you set me free*<em>

As she finished she knew it was nowhere near perfect. She herself had cracked once, looking over to see Tommy's head hanging. But this was their starting point.

"It's good, let's lay it down individually." Tommy said avoiding eye contact with all four of them.

"It feels like a mistake." Jude sighed looking over at Speid. "We should have done something from last night."

"Would have been less painful, but not as good." Wally nodded.

"Hey." Tommy shouted at them, making them all turn towards the glass. "We've only got a couple hours to get this done so Jude can lay down the vocals. Then I get to spend the whole night mixing it. So do you mind?"

"Lord Squinty Frown has returned." Speid laughed as they cleared out of the room.

_*Michelle Branch You Set Me Free  
><em>


	26. Chapter 26

Jude watched him for the lobby. She knew that Speiderman was right, when they had finished playing, when her song has ended, his eyes had gotten smaller, and his eyebrows seemed to be closer together. She didn't like sitting there, feeling like she had created more stress in his life, yet again. It bothered her to think that her song, her feelings, bothered him that much.

"Frowning really is an unattractive feature." Sadie as sitting next to her sister.

"What?" Jude asked, her voice pulled her from her thoughts.

"I've seen that face, I lived with that face." Sadie pointed at Jude. "That's your Tommy face."

"What are you talking about Sadie?" Jude was uncomfortable. Having someone point it out to her only made it worse.

"Jude." Sadie sighed.

"I know, I know!" Jude said getting up. "I'm trying here Sadie, I'm trying to keep it all under control. But look at him, I made him like that, he was fine before I had to open my mouth and sing." She folded her arms in front of her and looked down at her sister. "It just makes it harder to see him like that."

"Have you tried, I don't know, talking to him?" Sadie asked.

"Why would I do that? I'm the one that left remember?" Jude sat back down hard. "He asked me to marry him, then not even 48 hours later, I left him without an explanations. The guy should hate me Sadie, I should hate me."

"Okay." Sadie sighed, turning so her whole body was facing Jude. "I'm only going to say this, because I can see that this, the whole Tommy thing is really starting to bother you."

Jude listened carefully. When she had first left, Sadie had commented that things weren't too bad, but Jude didn't want to ask about the details, scared of what she would hear.

"After you were gone, Tommy made the comment that he deserved for you to leave, that he wanted nothing more than for you to have our own adventures, adventures without him. At one point I think he even called it karma, for what he had done." Sadie said in a whispered voice.

Jude had hopped what Sadie would tell her would make her feel better, but as she listened to Sadie, she started to feel even worse. Tommy fully understood why she left, and he even partly felt like it was his fault, karma for the things he had done in the past, for choosing fame over Angie, for breaking Jude's heart countless times. Jude could feel the guilt raise up, she had made him feel that way.

"That didn't help." Jude frowned.

"It should," Sadie smiled. "You need to talk to him, cause this," she gestured at the way Jude was sitting, "is going to drive you mad."

Jude watched as Sadie walked away, maybe she was right. Maybe she needed to talk to Tommy, clear the air and all subjects, past and present. Maybe she needed to explain her song, to let him see where she was coming from. But for her maybe was just as good as no.

Jude listened to the music. Tommy had done a perfect group mixing it all together in such a short amount of time. She could already feel herself humming along, and she remembered what one of her producers had told her in London, any song she could hum to was bound to be a hit.

She looked over at Tommy and could still see the stress everywhere etched on his face. "Can we talk about this?" she asked.

"Talk about what?" he asked, not looking up from the soundboard, it seemed to be the most interesting thing in the room, his eyes seemed glued to each moving knob.

"The song." Jude sighed. She knew that he would make it hard, he always made things harder than they needed to be.

"It's a good song, I'm sure if would have been better if we had more time." He still didn't look up.

"I was more referring to the lyrics," Jude whispered, looking at her hands, she needed to treat it like a band aid, just like she had Ozzie.

"Is there something you don't like?"

"The meaning Tommy, I'm asking if we can talk about the meaning of the song, gosh, could you not be so dense for five minutes." Jude wanted to shout at him, she wanted him to stop acting like some scared little boy, like he didn't understand what she was talking about. Everyone around them knew.

Jude felt like all the air in the room was being sucked out. She could see the sad look in Tommy's eyes, she could do nothing but watch him as they both sank into their chairs. "Maybe this is too much." She whispered, she wasn't going to cry, but she could feel the tears, hear the panic in her own voice.

"Too much of what?" he asked back.

"Too much of the past, too many emotions." Jude shook her head. She didn't want to say what was on her mind, she didn't want to say what she was thinking, it was too hard. She could feel the words in her mouth, just waiting to be said, she could hear them in her head, but she couldn't say them, she wasn't ready to say them. "I shouldn't be doing this." Was all she could say.

Tommy sighed, and she watched as his face grew softer, it was a look she knew well. "Jude, you're nervous, being back here, at G Major. You have been so set on not being the Jude Harrison you were, and you forgot that you are Jude Harrison." His hand rested on her knee and it sent shivers down her legs. "This song is good, you just need to believe it yourself."

Jude wanted to laugh. He thought she was nervous about singing, about doing what she had been doing for a living. She could sing the song in the ally if she wanted, it wasn't the G Major booth she was scared of, it was his reaction to the meaning, but he didn't even seem to see that.

"I'm ready when you are." Tommy said giving her a small

Jude nodded her head, she wanted to get this over with, she wanted to put it behind her.


	27. Chapter 27

Jude sat on the bed in the loft. It was late, or early, she wasn't really sure. After finishing the song she had gone home, it was been late then. Sadie and Kwest were fighting, and she felt awkward, like she was intruding listening to their words. Jamie and Zeppelin had gone to a concert, and if she would admit it to herself, the only person she wanted to see was Tommy. She had figured he would still be at G Major, putting the finally touches on the album. It was due in the morning. But she didn't want to be there, she couldn't be there. So there she sat, on the bed, trying to clear her mind of everything that had happened that day.

She had sang a song, a song she had written about Tommy. When she had tried to talk to him, about the song, he thought it was about nerves. How could he think that? How could he not see? She jumped slightly at the sound of Big Lou moving on the other side of the door, and even more so when she heard the voices. She turned and looked towards the door as it opened.

"Harrison, what are you doing it? It's almost three am." Tommy said, closing the door and looking surprised to see her.

"I couldn't be home, Kwest and Sadie…" Jude shook her head getting of the bed, looking at him made the panic in her throat rise up again. Could she really say what she needed to say to him?

"And you thought you would just hang out here, alone?" Tommy asked.

"I didn't have anywhere else to go." Jude whispered. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come here. I'll go, Big Lou can take me to a hotel or something." She headed for the door, only stopping when Tommy grabbed her hand as she passed him.

Jude stared down, watching as his fingers laced with hers, they still perfectly fit, each finger comfortable. As her eyes trailed up his arm, she knew that they were standing closer to each other than they had since she left. She could feel her heart beating harder, but her mind wasn't able to process any information, she had turned it off, she didn't want to over think standing so close to him.

"Why didn't you call?" Tommy whispered, his eyes still on their hands.

"I didn't know what to say." She whispered back.

"Anything, you could have said anything and I would have listened."

"I know." She did know. There were so many times that she had been so close to calling Tommy, whether it be in London, or since she had been back, there were countless nights, hours, that her thumb hovered over the send button, his number displayed on the screen. But she was never able to bring herself to actually push the button. She knew that he would have given anything to hear from her days after she left, but he returned never called her.

As his eyes meet hers, she could feel his other hand on the side of her head, pulling her closer to him, her forehead resting on his, a simple tear rolled down his cheek, and she used her free hand to push it away, her thumb tracing over his lips. In that moment, she knew what was going to happen, she could feel it inside her, and she wanted nothing more than Tommy. She wanted to feel him all around her, it was all she needed, all she ever needed.

It only took a slight moment for their lips to meet, softly pressed together. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, and her hands running through his hair, keeping her to him. Jude knew it wouldn't end with a kiss, with them things were never as simple as just a kiss.


	28. Chapter 28

Jude stood in the loft door clutching the white bathrobe closed. She knew she had bed head, and she was scared to open her mouth and speak, unsure of how had her morning breathe was. But even if she wasn't scared, she didn't know what to say as she looked at the two men standing in front of her. Luke and David had been the two producers she had worked with the most, they had been her musical partners, and now that they standing outside of her loft, looking just like she remembered them, perfect, and she knew she didn't even look close to perfect. She knew they had never looked at her like this before. She glanced behind her, Tommy still in the bed, trying to push himself up.

"Don't tell me we woke you." Luke laughed, he was always more easy going than David, more playful, more her age.

Jude had never felt so naked in front of them before, she pulled the robe tighter around her, confused as to what was happening. As first she thought it was a dream, it had to have been a dream, but reality was sinking in, and she could hear Tommy behind her.

"Going to invite us in?" David asked, looking over at the large man guarding the door.

"Umm, yeah, sorry." Jude nodded, opening the door and stepping back, giving them room to pass. She followed behind them, trying to smooth out her hair. She looked over at Tommy as he pulled a T-shirt on over his head. This wasn't the morning she had been looking forward to, the one she had been counting on.

"I hope it's not too early for guests." David said looking back at Jude. It was easy for her to read the disapproval on his face. Even though he was the type of person to keep his opinions to myself, she could still tell what he thought of the situation he had walked in on.

Jude shook her head. David was her older and better known producer. She had been so excited to work with him, to be in the same studio that her idols had once been in, to work with their producer. He was known for working with everyone from John Elton and Bono to Justin Timberlake. He was the man to have behind the sound board, the man that had helped her launch a new musically career.

"Of course not." Jude said, pulling the belt of her robe tighter, wishing she had put pants on before she got out of bed. "David, Luke this is Tom Quincy." She said making the introductions.

"Quincy, it's been awhile." David said nodding at him.

"Yeah, it's good to see you again." Tommy said shaking Luke's hand.

"I'll-we'll get you some coffee." Jude said looking around the loft. She wasn't sure if they even had coffee, if Tommy had coffee. She grabbed some clothes off the couch as she walked by, and reached for Tommy's arm, pulling him with her.

The makeshift kitchen wasn't much, a table Speid had brought, a toaster oven, the coffee maker she had bought when her, Sadie and Jamie had decided it would be their new tree fort, their place to run too and a small fridge Tommy had filled with water. But it was enough to give them distance to whisper without being heard.

"You didn't tell me David was your producer!" Tommy whispered, looking urgently at Jude.

"Yeah, well you didn't tell me you knew him." Jude looked back at him. She looked through the pile of clothes, looking for anything she could put on, something to cover her bare legs.

"Boyz Attack, who do you think produced the first album?" Tommy said reaching for cups. "What are they even doing here, how did they find you?"

Jude sighed and pulled on a pair of what she guessed where Tommy's gym shorts. "I don't know, I don't know, Tommy." She said before turning back around and looking at the two men. "I take it this isn't a social call."

"I don't do social calls." David said. Jude knew it was true, work was work, he didn't mix any part of his personally life with his work, and no work with his personally life. She had always wondered how he had become so successful at keeping the two separate.

"It's true, you should have heard him complain, the whole flight over." Luke laughed. "But look at you dear, you're glowing, you look amazing. Is it all the sun here? I can't imagine that the air is any cleaner. Maybe it's a certain Boyz Attack member?"

Luke had only worked with Jude on her last album. He was new but talented. He had studies at Oxford for something that had nothing to do with music, and it always amazed Jude at how normal he seemed. He was only a few years older than Jude, and she knew that David was worried about bringing him onto the album, worried about personal relationships. But it didn't take David long to figure out that he had more to worry about with Luke than Jude did.

She didn't know what to say, she couldn't even explain last night to herself yet, let alone to Luke. She just gave him a small smile, and turned, searching for Tommy to save her.

"What are you guys doing here?" Jude asked, watching as Tommy brought them cups of coffee. She gladly accepted one from him, needing to have something in her hands.

"Did you think just because you hopped the pond, news of what you've been up to wouldn't reach us, or the label?" Luke asked. When Jude still looked confused, he continued. "You're producing an album, and a sudden surprise song."

"Yeah, for Instant Star." Jude nodded, still unsure what that had to do with anything. She had told Nikola, and Dylan. They had both seemed fine with her producing. She wasn't under contract, and it was only three songs, a way to keep her out of trouble while home in Toronto. She had walked with Paddy about the song, and explained how she needed to do, for her own sanity, and he had agreed to handle the liable.

"You've got the whole label in an up roar." David sighed, taking a seat on the couch. Luke sat next to him, while Jude and Tommy went over to sit on the end of the bed.

"Over what?" Jude asked. "Artists do side projects all the time. Remember when Ian started producing that band at Sun Records? He was under contract then."

"It's more management than us." David told her. "They don't want to see you getting too comfortable here."

Jude thought for a moment, looking at the two men. She could feel Tommy's body next to her, his arm brushing hers. She looked back at David and Luke, and saw it all spelled out on their faces. "They sent you with the contract." She smiled. Her two months were almost up, and she had figured they would wait for her to return to London before signing, but now she understood what was going on, and why her producers had shown up.

"It's bloody brilliant." Luke said leaning forwards and slapping his hands on his knees. "They wanted to send over Dylan, but I knew I had to be here to see your face, and look, you're just delighted!"

Jude could feel the smile on her face. She had been waiting for long for this, to sign, to get back into the studio, to write, to play her own music. But it seemed like the more excited she got, the more aware she became of the body next to her. She could feel him tense up, and she looked at his face, she couldn't read any real emotion. For a split second she remembered the way he looked on the day she had left Toronto, the pain in his eyes, the tight halfhearted smile he had given her. She looked back over at David and Luke, and could feel the excitement drain.

"They want to ensure you're return." David said, pulling the file out of his bag. He handed it over to her.

Jude stood up to retrieve the folder from him. She looked down at it, unsure of what to say at the moment. She wanted to be excited, she had been waiting for this, waiting for permission to record, to sing, to do the only thing she truly could. But it was different this time, the man sitting next to her made it different. She had done it for so long without him. He had left her go, watched her from afar, and supported her silently the whole time. Could she ask him to keep doing that, could she leave him again?

"It's easy to see that we are too early for Canadian standers." David said standing up. "Look it over, there are some things in there I think you'll be pleased with."

"We're staying at the Four Seasons." Luke said following the lead. "I want to see your studio here," he whispered hugging Jude.

"Yeah." Jude gave them a polite smile. The mention of the Four Seasons made the Royal Alexandra Theatre pop into her head. She had been there so many times, when she was younger, she had watched plays there, but once she entered the music industry she had attended award ceremony's there, the last one had been with Tommy on her arm. She looked back at him when the door was closed, still sitting on the bed, eyes on the ground. He looked stiff, if it wasn't for the steady movement of his chest, she would have assumed that he was frozen in place.

"Tommy?" she whispered, taking the spot on the bed next to him.

"This is great news, I'm happy for you." Jude could tell that the words were forced, there was no happiness in his tone, no smile on his lips, and no excitement in his eyes.

"Can we talk about this, about what it means?" she asked. She herself wasn't sure what it meant, what it meant for her, for them. Could she leave him again after last night? When she had woken up next to him, his eyes watching her, arms still wrapped around her, she thought she could do that every morning and never need anything else. But now, now she wasn't sure.

"I need to shower and get to G Major, make sure D doesn't need anything else." He said hurried, as he stood and left her sitting here, alone.

Jude sat there for a moment, staring at the bathroom door, trying to think of what her next move should be, what she needed to do. But she couldn't think, she didn't know what to do. She quickly gathered her clothes from the floor, and slipped into her shoes. She needed Marcie, she needed Sadie, she needed someone else to tell her what the right decision was. She wanted to cry, and as she ran down the hallway, with Big Lou's heavy footsteps behind, she could feel the tears.

Could she pick being a rock star this time?


	29. Chapter 29

"Sadie?" Jude called as she entered the house. Her car was in the driveway, but the house seemed empty. She could see the smashed plate from the living room. She had heard Sadie throwing things last night as she had left the home. Jamie had told her that Kwest was at NBR. She sighed climbing the stairs. She wanted to make sure things were okay with her sister, she wanted her sisters advice, but she knew that Sadie needed her now.

"Sadie?" she called when she reached the top stairs.

She heard the soft sound coming from the master bedroom, the bedroom Sadie and Kwest now shared.

"Sade?" She whispered opening the door.

"You didn't come home last night." Sadie was sitting in the rocking chair that Jude knew had been in the room since she was a little girl.

Jude could see the tissue box close by, the empty carton of ice-cream, and a bottle of wine. She knew that things in her sisters marriage weren't perfect. She had figured it out after a few weeks of being home. Sadie and Kwest never seemed to be in the same room at the same time, they were both busy with work, busy living lives that never seemed to cross. She knew that it put a strain on their marriage, but Sadie had never mentioned anything, and Jude wasn't sure how to bring it up.

"I stayed at the loft." Jude said going and sitting on the floor in front of her sister.

"With Tommy?" she knew that Sadie could read it all over her face, and she could see the surprise and confusion flash across her face. Jude knew her sister well enough to know that she would rather deal with someone else's problems, than her own, it was a Harrison family trait.

Jude nodded her head and tried to hide her smile, she knew she would humor her sister for awhile, and let her think about her new problem, before she brought up the fight.

"You two?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah." Jude couldn't hide her smile now. But as she thought about what had happened, she also thought about the contract, burning in her bag, calling out her name. she felt her smile fade as she thought about Tommy's face, the tone of his voice as he walked away from her. "I got my contract though. Luke and David showed up at the loft with it."

"Oh my gosh, Jude that's amazing." Sadie smiled at her sister.

"Is it?" Jude asked looking up. She wasn't sure what to think about it anymore, how could she be excited about it?

"It should be, it's what you wanted isn't it? To go back and do another album with them?" Sadie asked.

"Yeah, it was, but I don't know anymore," Jude sighed. She wanted it to be easy, she needed it to be easy, but she knew that if it was, then it wasn't real. But as she looked around the room, she saw a second empty wine bottle, and knew that things were worse than she thought. She looked up at Sadie and watched her. "What happened?"

Sadie sighed, and Jude could see the tears swimming in her eyes. She had rarely seen her sister cry growing up. Sadie was all for drama, but she was also very use to being the best at everything she did. She never lost, therefore she rarely needed to cry. Jude wasn't even sure if she had heard Sadie cry when her and Kwest had broken up.

"I made a mistake." Sadie said softly, looking away from her sister, her eyes wondering to the window.

Jude could feel her eyes grow, Sadie was an honest person, Jude couldn't imagine her sister cheating. "Sadie."

Sadie sighed, looking back at her sister. "I never should have gotten married, I don't know what I was thinking."

Jude could feel her whole body relax, and she knew her sister saw it on her face. "You really need to watch how to phrase things."

"What?" Sadie asked. "You thought I cheated on Kwest?" her voice louder and filled with shock.

"Well yeah, with the way you said." Jude couldn't believe that Sadie didn't see it.

"Gosh, Jude, I'm your sister, you should know me well enough to know I would never do that." Sadie sounded disgusted.

"Did you not see my face?" Jude asked. She watched as her sister settled back down into the chair, pulling at the blanket that covered her lap. "Why don't you tell me what's going on? Maybe you'll feel better if you talk about it?"

Jude listened while her sister explained how the fight started, how every fight with them had started before Jude had come back. Sadie and Kwest seemed to have been fighting even before Jude's contracted had ended. But Sadie seemed to know that it was because they were both busy with work, they had no time for each other, and neither of them seemed to want to make time at the moment. NBR needed Kwest just as much as G Major needed Sadie. But while Jude listened she knew that Sadie's marriage was stable. She knew that Sadie still loved Kwest just as much as she did the day they got married, but the stress of work, of having Jude home, it was all putting a strain on their relationship. Jude was surprised when Sadie started to talk about how Kwest wanted to start a family, but Sadie didn't think it was time to bring children into their relationship, and Jude had to agree with her. If they were fighting now, and had no time to be together, it would only get worse with a baby. She was glad to know that her sister was still sane.

Sadie ended her rant, and only give Jude a few seconds to think before asking a question. "What are you going to do about Tommy?"

Jude looked up, shocked. She had allowed Sadie's problems take over her mind, she had pushed Tommy and the contract from her head and focused it all on Sadie. "Huh?" she wasn't sure she had heard her right.

"What are you going to do?" Sadie asked.

"I-I don't know." Jude stuttered.

"Did you two talk about it?"

"Talk? Tommy and me, right." Jude laughed shaking her head. "He ran from the room the first chance he got."

"And you ran in the opposite direction." Sadie nodded. Jude knew that her sister knew her just as well as anyone else. "You two need to talk, in fact, I think I told you that yesterday."

"I know, I tried, and it back fired." Jude rolled her eyes remembering the way Tommy acted in the studio. "Then last night, I thought we would talk, but I chickened out."

"Communication isn't your strong point, with anyone." Sadie joked. "You need to go to G Major, find him, and talk to him."

"And say what?" Jude asked. That was what she needed to know. She needed to know what to tell him, what was her heart trying to tell her? She couldn't hear it saying anything.

"What you feel, listen to what he feels." Sadie suggested. "You don't have to know what to say, you just have to say something."

Jude nodded her head. She knew that Sadie was right. She need to say something to Tommy, she needed to say a lot of things to Tommy, and she was sure that Tommy had a lot of things to say in return. They hadn't talked at all last night, they had allowed themselves to get swept into a moment, a moment of passion, a moment they had both wanted.


	30. Chapter 30

Jude stood in G Major, her arm was linked with Luke, and David stood next to her. The three of them looked around the lobby. Jude felt a sense of pride, of comfort standing in that lobby, but she knew what Luke and David would see, they way they would compare everything from the people to the light fixtures.

"This is where Jude Harrison got her start?" Luke almost laughed.

"Hey." She said hitting him with her elbow. "This is my home."

"It's rather small," David commented. "Nothing like the Darius Mills I remember."

"The Darius Mills you remember is a mush busier man." Darius laughed approaching them. Jude watched as them men all shook hands.

"Jude, that's you?" Luke laughed, pointing to the Instant Star winners wall.

Jude laughed as well. Her bright red hair, and short skirt were a sight to see. "I was in high school. I've learned a lot, grown a lot since then."

"I'm glad." Luke smirked. "Are we going to get to hear what our little Judy has been up too?" he turned his attention back to Darius.

"Absolutely, tomorrow night as the party we're throwing for her." Darius smiled.

"Party?" Jude asked. She wasn't sure what Darius was talking about. The only parties he ever threw were the ones that were going to make him money.

"For you and everyone else that worked on the album. Most of you will be gone by the time we have the release party, so I figured we should celebrate now." Darius nodded. "Plus you can announce your new contract."

"Speaking of which, have you read it over yet?" David wondered.

Jude shook her head. She didn't want to think about the contract. She hadn't even opened the folder, because she knew that would mean making a decision, and she wasn't sure she wanted to do that.

"You haven't read it?" Luke laughed. "You don't even know how amazing it is then!"

"How many albums?" she wondered.

"It's more than albums Jude." David explained. "They want you to go on a North America tour, six months."

"North America?" Jude asked. That was the tour she had been waiting for, the real thing.

"All through Canada, then down into the states." Luke smiled. "You're last album, it's been blowing up in the states. We need to get started on another one."

Jude could feel the excitement return as she thought about it. She would get to tour again, that was her favorite part of being a rock star. Being able to stand in front of her fans, in front of a live audience, it was a high, something she couldn't find anywhere else. After her first European tour she had understood why so many musicians turn to drugs, searching for that high, that feeling you get when playing a show. It was a feeling you never wanted to go away, but when you're on tour, the feeling only lasts so long.

"I told you, they want you back, bad." David gave a small smile.

"This is great news." Darius smiled. "Congratulations Jude."

"Thanks." Jude smiled. She didn't know what to say, she didn't know what to think. She watched as Darius walked away from them, and caught sight of Tommy in his voice. She could feel her stomach drop, her smile fall again. Why did he have to make her feel so sad, when she only wanted to be happy?


	31. Chapter 31

The party had been a disaster in the making. She should have known that any party tired to G Major wouldn't end well, they hardly ever did. Jude had gone to the party with the intention of speaking with Tommy, he had been avoiding her since the day before, he didn't go back to the loft, and when he did finally show up at G Major, he keep close to someone. Jude got her chance when she simply asked him to give her a ride home. She had asked Kwest and Sadie to leave early, leaving her without a ride because Big Lou was given the night off.

Jude now stood in front of him. Everything she had wanted to tell him since that day at the airport, every emotion and thought, they were all on the tip of her tongue, ready to spill out. She could finally hear her heart, telling her what to do, what was right.

"I did it Tommy; I crossed an ocean and moved to London, without you. I made two really amazing albums and travelled the world, without you. I proved to everyone and myself that I could be a rock star, without you." Finally speaking the words gave her so much energy, so much peace. She had felt like she was keeping a secret from him every time they were in a room together. And she was happy to just let it all out. "I didn't need you, and my world didn't come crashing around me."

"What's your point Harrison, cause you're sure not making this any easier to take." Tommy told her. It was easy to read the pain and confusion in his blue eyes. She wanted to know why she hadn't realized it earlier, why it had taken her so long to gather the courage, the guts to just tell him.

"My point is, I did it all without you, and now-" I sighed, feeling the pressure lift from her shoulders. Jude reached down and took both his hands, before looking back into his blue eyes. "All I want is you."  
>Jude could feel his eyes pouring into hers, looking for the part where she laughed, or shouted kidding at him.<p>

"It's still you, Quincy." Jude smiled, she reached up and put her hands behind his head, resting her forehead against his. "It's always going to come back to you."

Jude didn't have time to think before she felt his lips pressed against hers, his arms pulling her close to him. She heard a moan of pleasure escape his lips as they pulled apart.

"You're the only one out there for me." Jude whispered, she could feel his hot breath on her cheek, running down her neck; it made the rest of her body feel so cold. It only made every part of her want him more, need him more. Feeling his hands in her hair, his lips trailing down her neck, along her collar bone, she wanted to kick herself for staying away from him for so long.

"Jude." Even the way he said her name sounded like a moan.

She looked at him with a small smile, and she couldn't see the pain in his eyes anymore.

"You have to sign that contract." He whispered, his forehead resting against her again.

She felt her breath get caught in her throat, what had he said?

"I can't stand in your way, I won't."

"I don't want to go back there, not without you." Jude whispered, panicked. Was he trying to tell her he didn't want her anymore?

"You're not." He pulled back and smiled at her. She could feel him slipping something on her finger, and she looked down and saw the ring, the one that had been sitting on her bedside table. The one he had used so many years ago when he asked her to marry him. "I love you." He whispered in her ear, before his lips meet hers again.


	32. Chapter 32

Jude could feel the sun on her back, his lips on her neck, his hand running down her side and over her hip. To her, it was the perfect way to wake up. She opened her eyes slowly, allowing them to adjust to the light in the room. Her bedroom was brighter, cleaner than the rehearsal space. She smiled as his lips brushed hers.

"Hi." She whispered, before stretching her arms above her head. His eyes seemed bluer in the morning light.

"Good morning." He whispered back.

She could do nothing but watch him. Why had it taken her so long to see that this was where she belonged, that her and Tommy had always belonged next to each other?

"Should I make you coffee?" he whispered after a few sweet kisses.

"Not if it means getting out of bed." Jude smiled.

Tommy laughed at her before kissing her again. When they broke apart he sat up slowly, pushing the blanket back. "We can't spend all day in bed."

Jude thought of a moment, was there a real reason they couldn't? "You're right, you need a ticket to London." She said looking down at her hand, the silver twist tie still in place. She climbed out of the bed and reached for the bathroom on the back of the door.

"I'm not going with you." Tommy whispered, still sitting on the bed.

Jude froze. Her hand on the bathrobe, her heart felt like it stopped, it stopped pumping blood. She turned slowly to look at him.

"I'm going to Seattle, you're going to London." Tommy said slowly, walking towards her.

Jude could feel the confusion come over her, had she really woken up, was it just a dream? "Excuse me?"

Tommy reached for her hand, but she pulled it back, still looking at him confused. "You don't need me to go with you, you never did."

"This isn't about need, Tommy, this is about want; this is about us." Jude said stepping back, she needed distance between them.

"And that's why I can't go with you." Tommy looked sad. "You need to finish what you started, you need to do your North America tour without me."

"You want me to leave you again?" Jude asked.

"I want you to meet me, in one year from today, in that church." Tommy smiled, taking his hand this time, not letting her pull away. "Meet me in that church, and marry me, Jude Harrison."

Jude could feel the smile on her face grow. He didn't want her to leave him, he wanted her to continue to fly, he wanted her to marry him. She nodded her head and wrapped her arms around his neck, hugging him. Five years ago he had asked her to marry him, and without thinking about it she had said yes. She knew this time, she was going to be able to say yes, and mean yes. She knew now that no matter what path she took, it was always going to lead her right back to him, and now it was going to lead her back to the church, the church she had pictured herself marrying Tom Quincy in.


	33. Chapter 33

The first person Jude had told was Sadie, and she could tell from her look that Sadie had always known it was going to come to this. The second was Jamie, who only laughed, and threatened to kill Tommy if he broke her heart again. But then Tommy had to leave her to tell SME on her own, to explain the situation, and to break the news that she would be leaving early.

"So you won't see him for a year?" Wally asked.

"Dude, you hardly went six weeks without him one summer, you think you can go a whole year?" Speid asked.

"It won't be a whole year." Jude explained. "We're not avoiding each other, we're living our lives. He'll come to the shows he can, he's just not coming with me."

"But you're going to marry him?" Speid wanted to know. Jude could tell that the three boys didn't understand.

She nodded her head. She was going to marry him. "But we're not saying a word." She looked at Kyle with big eyes. "Not a single word to anyone."

"You don't think people will notice with Little Tommy Q shows up at your concerts?" Speid rolled his eyes. "It's a media frenzy whenever you two are in the same city."

"Yeah, they would kinda notice a ring on your finger." Wally pointed out.

She watched as all three boys looked at her hands.

"Is that a twist tie?" Kyle asked.

"No ring." She smiled, wiggling her finger. Her and Tommy had agreed that the twist tie meant more than a ring at the moment, and she had told Tommy that as long as it was on her finger, she would be meeting him on June 15th, 2012.

"You've lost your marbles." Speid shook his head at her. "Off your rocker, the two of you."

"I think it's romantic." Wally shrugged his shoulders, making both Kyle and Speid turn and give him weird looks.

"Thank you Wally." Jude laughed. "I know I can trust you three not to say anything, but make sure you remember my wedding date."

"Like we'd be able to forget." Speid roller his eyes.

"Good, now I need to go back, I leave for London in the morning." Jude smiled before leaving the recording both in NBR. She smiled at a few of the other artists sitting in the living room, knowing their eyes were following her. She hadn't spent much time inside NBR, and she knew it still amazed some of Jamie's artist that he was friends with Jude Harrison the rock star.


	34. Chapter 34

Jude stood next to the security line in the airport. She could see Big Lou over Tommy's shoulder, keeping the paparazzi and fans back. It was just like it had been when she had arrived, but this time she wasn't nervous, she was excited, and sad. She laced her fingers with his, and saw him shoot her a warning look.

"They are going to find out sooner or later Quincy." Jude laughed. She had figured they could keep their wedding a secret, but there was no reason to hide the fact that she was in love with him. She kissed him quickly, before he could pull away, and she could hear the cameras clicking more franticly.

"Jude." Tommy whispered, he stared into her eyes, and she knew that he understood. "Call me when you land?"

"Absolutely." She smiled, kissing him again.

"Excuse me Miss Harrison," a security guard said from behind them, the longer they were there the more of an annoyance it was to the guards.

"Yeah, sorry." Jude said. She knew that they needed to hurry their goodbye, but she wasn't sure she wanted too. She took a deep breath, and gave him one last hug. "I love you." She whispered in his ear.

"I love you too, girl." He whispered back before they pulled apart.

Jude couldn't help but give him once last kiss before backing up, handing her purse to the guard. "See you in 355 days." She smiled, before turning around and stepping through the metal detector. She knew that it was going to be hard not to turn around and look at him. She didn't want to leave him, she hardly got to be with him. But she knew that soon she was going to be able to spend the rest of her life with him, spend each morning waking up next to him, each day kissing him. To her, that almost sounded like a better high than playing in front of a live audience. Tom Quincy was her drug to keeping her high alive.

Five years ago Jude had thought she wasn't going to be able to have both, Tommy and the life she always wanted. But now, walking away from Tommy again, she knew that she really could have it all. She could be that girl, that rock star that made mind blowing music, the girl that stood on her own two feet and didn't fall over, the girl she had wanted to be since she was eight years old and her father bought her her first guitar. But she could also be that girl that stood next to the boy that captured her heart so many years ago, the girl that needed him and wanted him just as much as he needed and wanted her. She could be a rock star, and Little Tommy Q's girl, it was who she had always been, but now she was ready to accept it.

* * *

><p><em>That's all. When I started I thought about going back and writing it from Tommy's POV, or even doing some short stories about the things that happen in the year before their wedding. And in case you couldn't guess, the wedding would reflect that of the IS mini. If you'd like to see it from Tommy's side, or know what happens, let me know and I'll post it, otherwise it will stay safely hidden on my computer.<em>


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